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Numb (TRIGGER)

Today was my second session of EMDR, third total. The first day went well, I left my therapists office feeling okay. I had alot going on over the weekend, so I was nervous how I would feel after it, but surprisingly I did well. So of course when I went in today to have my second session, I was optimistic that it would go well. But it was much much more difficult today. I addressed many more things and encountered so many more emotions that I had been searching for. When we got done at the end of

chatterbox512

chatterbox512

Thank You

Scoliosis of the spine, a pinched nerve in my upper back and a bulging disc also in my back. I would like to thank the wonderful person who caused the bulging disc that has been an aweful pain in the neck (pardon the pun) for way to many years, and most recently the source of many headaches over the last few months. Thank You Mother!!! Thank you for slamming your foot into my head sending me flying in to the wall behind me. Thank you for being unable to control your anger, and for taking it out

chatterbox512

chatterbox512

So Upset right now!!

I just recieved a bunch of pictures from my aunt in the mail. She had been holding them for a couple of years and prior to that they were my grandparents. So because they are pictures of my brothers and sisters they were given to me. But when I got the package in the mail today, and began looking through them, I found myself getting sooo angry at my parents. Everyone looked so happy in the pictures, even me. But with each picture I looked at I remember what went on behind closed doors. I remembe

chatterbox512

chatterbox512

Making Friends

Okay so this sounds weird but I really have trouble making friends. I consider myself to be very easy going, friendly and caring. The friends I do have I hold very near and dear to my heart and would do anything for. However I have no idea how I made most of my friends. Most of them I thing are just because we have similar childhood circumstances and we bond on that fact. I have no idea how to make friends outside of my childhood circumstances though. I try, I just feel like I have nothing in c

chatterbox512

chatterbox512

Today is a good Day

Today is a fairly good day. My anxiety is low, although not gone. I have made the decision that I am not going home for Christmas and I feel good about it. Going home is way to much anxiety for me, I don't feel like a member of that family, I feel like an outsider. I am working on rebuilding my relationship with my sisters outside of the holiday get togethers but it is just not healthy for me to go for the big gatherings. I need to remind myself everyday that it is okay to make this choice and t

chatterbox512

chatterbox512

Exhaustion

Why is it that every day when I get up, I am soo exhausted? Why am I on a sleeping pill that is supposed to help me get a good nights rest, but I still wake up wanting to go back to sleep? I can't keep walking around in this fog of exhaustion, but I have no idea how to make it lift. Coffee doesn't work I have tried. Vacation seemed to work but the exhaustion returned as soon as I got home. Life is so stressful, and unknowing where it will take me next, I need to be ready for anything that is thr

chatterbox512

chatterbox512

Feeling Guilty

Why is it that I feel bad for feeling so down? I feel guilty because I am asking for help, Guilty for asking for someone to listen and help me for once. I feel like I dont' deserve to feel this way, so I shouldn't, but I can't make it go away. Talk about a vicious cycle. I feel down, which makes me feel guilty which makes me feel even more down.

chatterbox512

chatterbox512

I just want to get it over with.

I hate myself, I hate the way my life has been a constant roller coaster, I hate everything about who I am. I feel miserable all the time, and wish I could be happy just for a few days, maybe it would make it all worth it again. If it weren't for my son, I would be curled up in my bed feeling sorry for myself and trying to figure out an effective way to end it all. I feel soo empty inside. I am completely numb and I am having a very difficult time pulling myself out of it. I went to speak with m

chatterbox512

chatterbox512

Good or Bad day?? Who Knows

I don't really know if today is a good day or a bad one. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good, but by noon my heart was racing, I was sweating and I couldn't settle down. My nerves were a mess. I guess that is what is referred to as a anxiety attack, but thankfully I was able to get out of it quickly. I talked to a friend of mine and she helped. It started because first of all I had another night of not sleeping which brings the total to 8 days. So I called my dr. this morning and told her

chatterbox512

chatterbox512

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