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There are worse things



I feel shitty today and I can see that continuing for some time. It is not worry about the trial.

My partner while on the stand said something that is eating at me and I can't talk to her about it. The prosecution asked what was the future of the relationship. She relied she didn't know. She said she wanted to continue, but she was unsure as her education / career may require her to travel and because of my criminal record I may not be able to follow. She has said things similar to this before generally when she was upset. I know now she is very much subduing her emotions to survive.

I suffer from major depression and anxiety. I can't talk to her. I need to talk to her and I can't. It is tearing me apart. I never want to prevent her from doing anything, but I know we have something amazing. I don't want to lose her. I don't know if I will. I don't know anything and it is killing me.


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I'm sorry for your pain, Waiting. Regardless of the outcome of your relationship or this trial, you get to keep the love you reached. It is a part of you. You get to take it with you, whether it is to the next phase of this relationship or if it is to another relationship. You have found that you are capable of love. I'm sorry so much seems uncertain for you right now. :(

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It is not so much that it may end, I don;t think it will, but even if so I am very glad t have had it including all of the repercussions. It is more the not knowing and being unable to confirm anything.

I am pretty sure it is her emotional state with all that is going on and her emotional subduing and all is well, byt this is what anxiety does,

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