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no control



I hate what's happening in my life. My husband doesn't understand me. My daughter is sick and I can't even get her to cooperate in drinking her liquids and her medicine. I just joined a new call center without thinking it through, and now I am already wishing I didn't, because a lot of people are saying that the work is very difficult. Plus, I was told that even though I have a fit-to-work clearance, I have to go through the hassle and spend money and repeat my urinalysis (a third time) and the finding should show no trace of blood whatsoever. My relative who is a doctor said I could have kidney stones and that I should have myself looked at. I practically have no choice in the matter. No control. I'm not expecting that everything should go the way I want, but I feel NOTHING is working out right. How can you stay sane if you can't manage even a little piece of your life? Somebody said to me that having control over one's life is just an illusion, and so you have to have faith in God and He will guide you. Well I have been trying to talk to God for a long time and I still couldn't feel Him in my life. I still feel alone. Alone and tired. That's why I hate it.


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