No one who can help me cares, and no one who cares can help me. I don't have the skills or whatever is needed to deal with the world, and unfortunately because of my lack of communication skills, even so called professionals are unwilling to listen to me. Even called the suicide hotline and all I got was some dumb volunteer echoing my statements back to me. Thanks lady I'm glad you care, but I can get a mere echo by talking to a wall if I shout loud enough. It doesn't feel "validating" when I can tell you are working off a script.

I want to be done with this so bad. If I can't figure it out on my own, and no one is willing to even point me in a direction of how to help myself, what hope can I have? If I'm just supposed to grow the fuck up and stop whining then why doesn't anyone just tell me that? IMHO it is so that they can extract money from me under the pretense of providing treatment that is really so predictable that I could treat myself if the pdoc would just give me a prescription pad. I'm just sharkbait to them and that will be over as soon as they have depleted my savings.

It doesn't matter. I'm damaged goods. Nobody wants me and the world would be better off if I were to remove myself from it. What could possibly be worth enduring this rejection and self doubt if I can't even find a place within society? I don't belong.