Talkin

I have seen some of those postings you ask about. I don't think a true meaningful relationship can be ascertained solely from brief online communications. One thing I never could understand and perhaps this lady explained it somewhere in her long postings, is why there was an immediate rush to become married. Finding someone online isn't that far fetched in this day and age considering how much time people now spend online. However, actually spending meaningful real world time with one another over a sufficient span of time makes more sense to me than claiming to have a relationship adequately enough to even consider marriage before doing so. That is the part that doesn't make any sense to me.

I read they had "some" time together like you I do not think this is enough time to become decent friends let alone spouses. Add in to the equation the need of one to get a VISA and it smells extremely bad. She does appear quite confused and obsessed. I can not help wonder why she wasn't as obsessed in wanting to get to know the man before saying the I do's. Critiquing his every or lack there of facial expressions and dissecting every sentence the guy makes screams creepily absorbed to me.

This guy could be a con artist and actively playing mind games with her. He could also have been really into a not substantial relationship and has rethought it all. I know she is hurting and no one should have to feel that way however, I also think she needs to own a lot of the responsibility in how things are transpiring.

I have not read all of the posts or replies but the constant going back and forth isn't helping anything. I would never marry anyone I found over the internet without having real life time experiences with them. Marriage I believe should be a give and take relationship between two people that truly know and love one another. Not having that basic foundation can only lead to disaster. Even marriages that begin with that can have a difficult time sustaining themselves. I think it is a waste of time and a path to inevitable harm to continue to be married to anyone without really knowing or trusting them.

Now for the small penis forum.

I have looked in it every now and then. Nothing in there is of real interest to me an I find it for the most part depressingly sad. I also find it horribly redundant without any real positive changes being discussed.

I think too much is being placed upon something not nearly as important as their negative attitudes and views. IMO any confident knowledgeable man knows a woman with substance needs to be turned on between the ears before anything else ever transpires. A confident person and I mean confident not cocky an there is a difference doesn't need reassurances from others about their own bodies. A confident positive attitude is a lot more attractive than a self defeating Eeyore mentality. For a part of the body in a man's case that isn't even seen by anyone until undressed it doesn't make any sense to me why these guys fixate so, much upon it.

They mention negative media comments and past an present comments by woman who are usually total strangers to them. They recount bullying from childhood etc Somehow all this outside hogwash is more important than trying to view things differently. Attempting to work on their own self esteem their own bedroom education. It is all quite sad really. I also wonder if any of these men think there should be a small breast forum for the ladies. I know some women have a hard time dealing with the size of their breasts. Breasts are right there in your face sort of speak too but somehow it doesn't get the same recognition as a small pants covered penis.

These men come across as angry, bitter negative people. I haven't any trouble understanding why they do not have sexual or basic relationship experiences. They can not stand to be around themselves why would a lady want to be? In a real loving relationship each others differences can be built upon, any "inadequacies" affecting performance can be worked through but not if a person never allows themselves to get to that stage.

In reality the women's vagina is a very sensitive place with only the first few inches needing penetration to achieve climax. A lot of woman enjoy clitoral climaxes more than penetrative ones also. I think some of these guys like to take the easy road out, which is to cop out before even trying. Then they do the poor me routine and recount any negative comments they've ever heard as facts for not attempting change. I have respect for people struggling trying to learn and do better. I don't respect whiners without action.

Its nice to know I havent gone totally insane cuz I was thinkin lots like you are sayin about this relationship and how it seems built on almost nothin but have expectations of it bein more then it could be. I dont get why she married so fast neither I didnt read all the posts maybe its in there somewhere think its better I just stay away from it before it drives me real batty I dont get the whole need for people to get married to begin with if people do get married makes sense to at least really know the person first it seems and sounds sooooo basic not sure how that got forgoten about

I get what your sayin about the small dick forum kindof felt sorry for them also pissed off you are probably right if theyd spend more time fixin how they conduct themselves and I think layin off the porn with 10in schlongs and listenin to dopes theyd probably feel better about theirselves and actualy get a real woman Ive also wondered what they think about woman and their boobs I know lots of gals that want bigger ones or want smaller ones and with all the females around here surprised they havent strung malign up by the bras to make them their own forum that id find interestin very interestin doubt Id miss a post in there I also get idea from that small forum that lots of them think girls are all the same like they have the same switches or somethin From what ive seen in there Ive had lots more sex then any of them one night stands and with girlfriends none of them were the same lots of similarities but their not like starten a car put key here turn and get vroom vroom maybe they need some sex ed instead of only what things are and where they go

Hotspot, here are a lot more questions for you. It is alright if you do not want to answer any of them. I do not want to embarrass you.

I sure am.

What type of ruler do men use to measure their penis? What is the average size, how and when is a good time to measure? What parts are in the measurement? Do married couples masturbate? Do married couples have more sex? Do married couples have sex on certain days? Have you heard about masturbation with fruit? Are breasts sensitive? Alright I am probably looking a lot like Malign's wig right about now so, I will not ask anything more.

I'm not embarrassed at all with your questions Jedidiah.

It seems this thread is moving towards sex Ed and I've become Dr. Sex. I'll get back to answering the actual questions however, for right now I think you might want to steer clear of the produce department. :eek:

LOL Dr sex

Hah. You guys are funny.

"... surprised they havent strung malign up by the bras ..." Again, you assume, Mike. I could be hanging here typing, right now ... ;-)

There are a lot of questions in your first post, and I'll try to answer the ones I have some experience with.

One thing you have to remember is the name of the site. People come here because they are having mental problems. That means you can't expect them to see reality exactly the way you do. The professionals usually divide "mental problems" into two major categories: neurosis and psychosis. Uselessly fancy words, but you'll see them used. The first means, people who have a pretty good grasp of basic reality but who have trouble dealing with that reality, and the second refers to people whose reality is distorted in some identifiable way.

Even for people without diagnosable mental problems, reality is a slippery concept. For instance, take a situation where you're walking in a crowd, and someone coming the other way bumps into you and says something like "Get out of my way, idiot." Now, something real has definitely happened to you, but how you deal with it all depends on your interpretation of that reality. If you think other people's insults matter, you might start a physical fight. Or, you might be content just saying something. Or, you might be afraid of the person, and hide. Or, you might notice some distinguishing feature of the other person, such as their race, and make an assumption about the cause of the incident from that. Or, you might decide that you just happened to run into a jerk who isn't worth any response at all. None of these responses represents a mental illness on your part, though we can identify different harms and benefits, or consequences, of different interpretations.

A mentally ill person is one who routinely interacts with their reality in counterproductive ways. For instance, a person with very low self-esteem might assume that the person who bumped them knew how bad a person they are, and did it deliberately. A paranoid person might assume that the person who bumped into them had actively sought them out in the crowd, and was just one of many people there who were out to get them. A psychotic person might believe that the person was an alien who was warning them not to interfere in its plans. In these cases, we would tend to say that the people's responses were significantly different from the reality of the situation, and we might call them distortions.

Of course, the dividing line isn't that clearcut. Some would say that getting into a fight in this situation was pretty counterproductive. Others would say (and possibly other cultures would make it true) that not fighting would be more dangerous, because people might think you were weak. Especially for low self-esteem, the question is "how low is too low", before it becomes an illness. Too, the answer may be different for different people.

So, it's true that many of the people on the site whom you have mentioned have clear difficulty functioning, in their lives. But it's not a matter of them just trying harder. I would bet most of them are putting an awful lot of effort in, even the ones who appear to be sitting still. I know that the time I spent, thinking up different ways to die, could have been put to much better use not-dying, but I had trapped myself in my own mind, in my own way of thinking, and all the effort in the world wouldn't have freed me. What was needed, and didn't come on its own, was a different way of looking at the world, a different set of assumptions about reality.

'sadgreeneyes', for instance, has been here long before her marriage, and has always been panicky about whether she might be being abused. If I recall correctly, it may well be the result of childhood abuse that did happen. Now, though, she clearly isn't making good decisions about her future. The thing is, it wouldn't help to tell her, or to have told her before she married, that this might not be the best decision. Her reality was distorted enough that she simply wouldn't have heard us.

The SPS guys are in the same situation. They firmly believe that there's something wrong with them, and that it affects every area of their lives. Some of them aren't even that small, but the numbers aren't what matter, it's the belief. Is it real? Yes, to them, it's painfully real. If you feel for them at all, you can tell how much pain they're in, even if you and I can't really understand why. I agree with you, Mike, though, that a lot of the problem is how they see women and sex. They were probably taught certain things about men and women, directly or indirectly by their parents, that just aren't true. A lot of us have things we need to unlearn, in life.

As for whether there's a similar psychological problem for women with small breasts, I haven't heard of a direct counterpart. The penis plays a unique role in the male image, one that no single female body part matches. However, there is something called "Body Dysmorphic Disorder", which is meant to cover various distortions by both genders that the person's body is much uglier than it really is. It may include Small Penis Syndrome, a whole grab-bag of female versions, as well as some eating disorders. If you want a good example of a woman with a similar attitude towards herself as the SPS guys, read posts by 'Calla'.

It's also significant to point out that the people who stay here the longest, the ones who post the most, are probably the ones with the deepest problems. It makes sense that those are the people who need the most help. Yes, they get repetitive, and it can be difficult reading their posts, not to mention responding. It's quite okay just to ignore them, and read other posts. In fact, I've found it useful, sometimes, to look at my own reaction to certain posts (and posters), in order to learn more about myself. Quite often, I react to a particular person, or to the way they say something, in a way that has more to do with my problems than theirs. I really have learned a lot about myself, here, just by paying non-judgmental attention to how I behave with different people.

My advice to you, Elijah, is not to even bother measuring yourself. It's the right size, just because it's the one God gave you. And there's nothing wrong with having questions about sex; everyone wonders about such things.

Sorry for the book. ;-)

I get what your sayin Malign but even though it is mental help site guess I understand people comin cause they have problems and I know there are the tons of labels that get thrown around but I think of people here as people not a bunch of labels People wantin to run things by others get support for gettin through stuff but until recently didnt really see or get how actualy sick lots are expectin rational thoughts and relationships isnt gonna happen with them cuz they are sick guess kindof like expectin guy with no legs to run marathon

In the small dick forum yeah of course I get they are hurtin to me though it sounds like they are doin lots of it to themselves and then complainin guess they are just real sick too and arent gonna make sense because if you got real sick mind you cant think good I just kind of thought people that are that sick and cant think good would be in hospital not livin alone

Lots of people are lots older here too and I guess expectin them to be more responsable in helping themselves but just wantin extra help isnt what this place is Problems effect people suppose loads here live more their self imposed or dr labels then I saw And are not only people with problems but are real problemed people Maybe these people are tryin never see them writin about anything they are tryin though which makes it seem like they arent

Malign, honestly you have not ever measured yourself? What about you Mike and Hotspot?

Jedidiah, I agree with Malign with his thoughts about your not needing to measure yourself. After having said that however, if you still wish to do so using a measuring tape is best. I have not measured myself since I was a teenager, even then I don't remember it being all that needed or exciting. I chalk it up to the many silly needlessly done things during the teen years. Depending upon which study you encounter "average" penis size is generally regarded as being between 5 and 6 1/2 inches. To obtain the most accurate measurement all you need to be is fully erect which at your age probably happens quite often. Measuring from the tip of the penis head to the base (your abdomen) is what is included in the length measurement. Girth is obviously the circumference width.

Yes, married couples masturbate. Frequency of intercourse in a marriage is subjective and ever changing. There isn't any true set amount, it boils down to whatever you and your partner are comfortable and fulfilled by. Some married couples have "special" scheduled days to be with one another. Sometimes if fertility is an issue being more sexually active during a woman's most fertile times occur. In general however, being intimate has a lot to do with personal preferences and what ever might be occurring. Between work schedules, raising children and normal life responsibilities finding time an having the desire can sometimes be a juggling act.

Yes, I know about people using fruits and vegetables to masturbate. Bananas, oranges, various types of melons as well as cucumbers and carrots I believe are some of the top ones used. These are simply more easily available sex toys and disposable.

Some ladies have highly sensitive breasts and nipples and some don't.

Yes, Elijah: quite honestly, I've never measured. I wouldn't know where to measure and I wouldn't know what the number meant, if I did. The point for me is, I couldn't do anything about it, anyway. It's mine, and that's enough for me.

My own experience during marriage is that each person continues to masturbate. Essentially all humans do masturbate. Even prepubescent children stimulate themselves in various ways, without thinking of it as sexual. We're wired to feel good. It's up to the couple to decide whether and how much to integrate that into their joint sex life.

Mike, you're absolutely right about people making things worse for themselves. Most people who come here are looking for advice or support, but most are also routinely and unconsciously making decisions that hurt themselves. That's the illness part, the part that makes this more than just a "try harder" situation.

Have you ever wondered why certain people's struggles seem to make you angrier than others? For instance, you mentioned that "older" people ought to be more responsible, and that it seems like they aren't trying. Does this remind you of any situations from your own life? Most of the time, a strong emotional reaction doesn't come from strangers, but from something the stranger reminds us of.

Have you ever wondered why certain people's struggles seem to make you angrier than others? For instance, you mentioned that "older" people ought to be more responsible, and that it seems like they aren't trying. Does this remind you of any situations from your own life? Most of the time, a strong emotional reaction doesn't come from strangers, but from something the stranger reminds us of.

I just tend to hear more older people complainin about how their life is never seem to hear how their choices might have gotten them there. Yeah shit happens to everyone and lots of things happen that arent planned for or deserved and then if you happen to point that out to them theyll list things they once did not much about what they are doin Everyone bitches its the endless bitchin and goin in circle that pisses me off People my age arent far off from pissing me off either since they do a lot of bitchin with them though it sounds more like just being imature jackasses Some old people sound like they want everything without havin to continue to work for it and Some younger people sound like they want everything without expectin to put in any of the actual needed work

To sum it all up I hate lazy endless bitchers