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Depression ascending



Just trying to keep track of what's going on as I tinker with my dosages. Haha take that, Establishment! I won't follow a prescription; I write my own prescriptions. Yeah. Tongue in cheek there - don't take that literally.

Anyway I guess I shouldn't be surprised that depression seems to be coming back as I reduce my seroquel dosage to what is probably a sub-therapeutic level. Not sure if this is short term rebound effect or if it's simply the underlying depression.

What I notice is I've become almost two people. One wants to live and one wants to die. When I am depressed the self hating side is more prominent but the life affirming side is still there in the background. Through sheer willpower I can keep the self destructive side away from the impulse control but sometimes the self destructive side starts to make a lot of sense.

Since that happened today I am going to go back up on the seroquel dosage and see how tomorrow goes. The hangovers have gotten notably shorter in duration though at only 100mg/day. I really hate having to choose between my IQ or my emotional well being. I read somewhere that most AD meds are no better than sugar pill anyway so why should the dosage matter? On top of that it's a highly competitive job market right now and losing any sort of edge I might have is not what I signed up for when I tried to get help for concentration issues. Just trying to think my way through this. I hope I figure it out quickly.


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