Jump to content
Mental Support Community

Blog Ralph

  • entries
  • comments
  • views

Still a zombie x_x



Warning- rant ahead. It helps me figure stuff out to put all the pieces in text, which is to say I don't believe everything I write because I am writing everything I feel and being messed up some of my feelings are distorted.

Saw pdoc today, came home with a script for risperdol. WTF? I complain about being apathetic and unmotivated and she tries to put me on ANOTHER antipsychotic? To heck with that. I read up on risperdol and it is has even more of a zombie effect than the damn seroquel. I'm so angry I feel like I have to close my eyes to keep them from popping out of my head.

I have learned one thing. I cannot trust shrinks. I have to think critically about the way they are treating me and not just have faith they know better. The damage already be done though as I have lost several weeks not looking for a job while being treated for bipolar without any sort of diagnosis. Goddamit why didn't I see this coming. I should have smelled something fishy when she just took up with the same treatment that did jack for me years ago, but I thought oh maybe she knows something new, let's try this mood stabilizer approach.

I am pretty sure that's not my problem because now my moods have gotten less stable than ever & it's because the drugs helped me fall further behind - granted it was my choice to procrastinate but I can procrastinate for a heck of a lot longer now that I have no energy left for anything except to sit around feeling sorry for myself. Well screw that. Now I'm pissed off. I am going to succeed in spite of that quack.

I know damn well that Adderall gives me relief but I cannot ask for that since it is schedule 2. I really doubt that any doctor would prescribe it to me now after having taken seroquel, since you don't exactly give amphetamines to borderline schizo's. So I guess I'll have to buy it black market if I'm to have it, but that is really not my style.

I've been thinking about how I never had any problems until after I quit smoking. Very close to starting again to see if that helps. Addiction sucks but maybe, just maybe I will feel like myself again. Yet I quit once and I don't want to go through that again. I also quit antidepressants once though, and at the time I sure as heck didn't want to go through that again, either. Now I'm in deeper than I was before.


Two hours later, I am feeling a lot better, at least emotionally. I did some work from home and felt good about logging some hours. Need to remember how much of a coping mechanism it can be to get a feeling of progress. Going to take a step back and think about my options. wonder if it would be wise to go down another quarter pill since it now seems that 100mg is too much.


Recommended Comments

There are no comments to display.

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...