Last night couldn't sleep until I took half a seroquel. Still that is only 25mg which I don't even know if that is a clinically significant dose. I do know that benadryl did not help me sleep last night, not even combined with beer.

However, this morning I had no trouble getting up and felt pretty stable. A little bit impaired as far as coming up with things to say and absent minded but that beats repetitive automatic thoughts. Also didn't get the shaking fingers. Very happy to be able to type normally.

Right now my depression is back in full force again. However, I am continuing to work with it. Strangely I think that my symptoms could be an asset if I learn how to relate to them appropriately. I used to be in a state of learned helplessness but gradually I feel more aware of my own efficacy. I just wish I didn't feel disembodied. More than anything else that makes me think about death because I am halfway floating away as it is. Do I even belong here?

had to stay up late to write a paper. Stoked that I was able to pull myself away from youtube & lolcats for long enough to get it DONE. But what I wanted to capture in case I come back to this later is that I have noticed a distinct nausea that I am pretty sure is seroquel withdrawal. In this respect I almost enjoy it because it signals me that my body is starting to adjust to the lower levels of drugs I'm eating, and it tells me that if I do use it for sleep I am less likely to wake up with a hangover. Feel like I might be able to tune the dose such that I get the AD effects without the 18-hours of sedation.