Today will will vacate my home so she can come to get her stuff that has been here far so long. Half the closet will be empty and the shoes that sit in their familiar places will be gone leaving only emptiness like the hole in my heart. The drawers where her make was will be empty.

It is killing me. She is already gone and one could say that they are painful reminder, but the emptiness will be worse. This doesn't change anything, but it is a powerful symbol.

I have been crying off and on all day.

I will survive.

I will not give up.

I will not lose hope.

I will not accept she may never again be my partner. I can't.

I wish I would wake from this nightmare on a plane trip to see her family, safe in each others arms. That is my greatest desire.

If we would have fallen apart like any other couple I could accept it, but not like this.

Not like this.