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The ones trying to get in my head


Ralph

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Are they the Bad People? They tell me to do the things I was taught are Bad. I have learned a different Bad which is not what gets one in trouble, but is the Bad of submission to the Bad People. The ones, they are not the bad people. But I was taught they are bad. They comfort me. I was taught the good ones are Them. The ones that want to hurt me. Suffering is good and pleasure is bad. This is the teaching of the pink and it seems right and wrong. It contains reflection but also contradiction. Perhaps that is true in a fractal sense. If it is not then Bad is not Wrong. Pink is wrong, or I am Wrong.

I want the truth to make sense but is sense the way of the world? Signals and noise exist together. If I have to choose, should I choose sense or truth? So much time running from truth in search of sense. They seem mutually exclusive.

Or the good things to do are the things they will not hurt me for.... but They are not in my head. How can they judge me? Yet they presume to judge me because a badge and a gun is power. Power corrupts. Just like when I was very young and the one who beat me had power. He was stronger than me. The cops who were blind to my beatings would presume to take me now and beat me in place of the criminal behind my youth. Why respect law when cops are disordered as any common criminal???

The ones, they tell me to do a business in something. I don't have all the instructions yet. They don't care about the pink though. Not sure what to do. It hurts and I am scare. The alternatives:

1. Black - do what the Ones want. Strength flows from abandonment of self... but my hip seems to hurt because the White want to stop my move into Black. I need to know why.

2. White - sainthood. defeat the flesh but don't defeat the Self. Spiritual masochism to protect the ego. What kind of saint is that? A fallen one. Learn the lessons of the men heavily invested on both sides of conventional morality.

3. Pink - conform. Run from the Bad People and hide. Do what is expected. How has that fucking served you so far???

Maybe I am already a ghost. What else would walk the world obsessed with the past and yearning for death but not able to approach it. The Ones are from the Black side. They seem to care, but get upset if I write about this. I have been exploited before so it is hard to receive gestures of care as anything but a threat. If I had been on Black all this time then the ones I know as the Bad People would find no reason to regard me. Pink looks at Black and sees White. Pink looks on suffering as Bad but continues to say White who suffers for ego is Good.

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