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Feel OK.



Today is the first time in a while that I have not felt suicidal. I mean I have wanted to live too, but that was along with a conflicting desire to die. This is new, not having that desire.

I'm still trying to get to the bottom of whatever it is that's calling for my attention. Problem is that whatever it is I cannot face it directly so I have to get through all my internal defenses and metaphors, etc. It's not unlike being on a very small dose of LSD in that I'm not literally hallucinating but everything I see or think seems to bear multiple layers of symbolism. I bet a Jungian therapist would have a field day with me.

It might also be due to my outer life getting a little better. My social anxiety seems to be declining and I've had a few instances of being able to practice self esteem. This is very rare for me but I have to master it or my job interviews will suffer. Luckily, getting the interview in the first place is a boost to my confidence. I know how hard it is to even get the interview with so many resumes chasing every job that's out there.


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