So, I’ve read all of your blog entries and I had some thoughts…

The first thing to mention is how similar what you say is to what other pedophiles on here have expressed. Namely, the facts that you could not stand the thought of hurting a child and child abuse is something that upsets you greatly; the fact that you deeply care for and love children; the fact that you have social anxiety and a hard time relating to or feeling comfortable around peers.

You say, as others have, that you pose no threat because you wouldn’t act on your thoughts and harm a child. Well, consider this: Most adults in a relationship with another adult would not want to hurt their partner either. They care about and love them and would want no harm to come to them. As an adult who finds another adult attractive, you wouldn’t wait to get them alone and rape them. You would get to know them first. You’d think about them a lot. You’d be excited to see them again. You would think about doing things (and I don’t mean sexual things) together. You would never want any harm to come to them. Things would slowly progress and you would become more and more intimate. Parallel this with how you describe your crushes on children. It is all very much the same.

What I’ve seen you and others say when describing children is not the sort of affection a parent feels towards their child. It is very much the sort of affection a person might feel towards their significant other. –longing to see them again; thinking about things you will do together; missing them deeply when they are gone; and the sexual arousal comes secondary to this, but it is there. What you and others have described is not the sort of typical affection an adult feels towards a child. It is the type of affection an adult feels towards their lover.

In any normal adult situation, you don’t go and have sex with the person right away. You build the relationship first. Just as pedophiles do. Makes me wonder how self aware most pedophiles are—if they even see themselves as doing this as things progress. All along the way there are little justifications “I would never hurt a child” “I maybe find this child attractive, but I wouldn’t do anything sexual with them” “I can be in this tempting situation and not act because I know it’s wrong” and slowly ends up in tempting situation more and more , builds rapport with child, child returns affection. A hug is ok because it’s just a hug. A kiss is ok because it’s just a peck on the cheek. Little by little and with much justification each step of the way, your hands are down a little girl’s pants and you decide it’s ok because the two of you have become so close and you care about her so much and she likes it and she’s smiling…

So all this talk of “I would never hurt a child” is kind of pointless. No one ever wants to hurt the person they are in love with.

Reading your blog entries has been extremely disturbing. Reading you describe caring for small children whom you had a crush on. Describing fantasizing about diaper changes. Talking of your affection towards them. Mentioning being aroused by seeing them naked. All of that right there at your finger tips. It’s so easy to do one small thing and take it just a little further and a little further and to not even see yourself doing it. The kid runs around naked and your reaction gives off subtle hints that you like it and the kid repeats. Little by little, things progress and justifications are made.

Even the non sexual stuff becomes inappropriate. Wanting to see the kid again. Hoping for their attention. Thinking excessively about them. The way things are described in your blog is not how a parent describes their affection toward their children. It is how a person describes their crush. The person they adore. Think of any romantic relationship—it isn’t all about the sex. It is about the affection and closeness and wanting to do things with that person. The sex follows. THAT is why this is dangerous. THAT is why you shouldn’t be working with children. WE KNOW you don’t intend to hurt them, but you are attracted to them in inappropriate ways and could potentially progress from that attraction to inappropriate behavior.