That only I can answer.
If I can even ask them.
How is it all through my life I took care of and/or loved the people who hurt/damaged me, but yet when I am hurt/pained there never is no one who can offer the same to me when I so need it the most? But yet I can always love? Be there? Even through the rage? Why?
Is it because of the intense pain/suffering I not only saw deep in the pleading eyes of animals that were abused, tortured, and killed, but I also heard and still hear the awful sounds of cries, of inflicted torture, and the sounds of killing, dying, and death? GODDAMMIT I CAN'T STAND IT!
And I can't stand it and I can't get over it how I have been treated years afterwards. With anger, with rejection, with added additions of blame, guilt, coercion, and what ever else, and now I am supposed to heal all of that in my relationship according to Harville Hendrix? I'm trying to answer the questions, and I am trying to understand, but I still have too many questions that remain to be answered.
But one thing that has been answered is a relationship according to Harville Hendrix is not always an "Imago Match" for that to occur.
So many questions remain unanswered, and even if answered, I don't know if I have the "mature love" to offer to override the intense anger that blocks it. So what does that mean. I will always be immature in my love in any other relationships?
So does that mean I'm fucked forever? The damage is done forever? I will never reach a place of some kind of healing? Or some kind of normal, or near normal healthy relationship(s) or be in healthy relationships?
Time will tell?
That's the only question I think I can answer.
Time will always tell something if nothing but the damn time.