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Questions to Myself



That only I can answer.

If I can even ask them.

How is it all through my life I took care of and/or loved the people who hurt/damaged me, but yet when I am hurt/pained there never is no one who can offer the same to me when I so need it the most? But yet I can always love? Be there? Even through the rage? Why?

Is it because of the intense pain/suffering I not only saw deep in the pleading eyes of animals that were abused, tortured, and killed, but I also heard and still hear the awful sounds of cries, of inflicted torture, and the sounds of killing, dying, and death? GODDAMMIT I CAN'T STAND IT!

And I can't stand it and I can't get over it how I have been treated years afterwards. With anger, with rejection, with added additions of blame, guilt, coercion, and what ever else, and now I am supposed to heal all of that in my relationship according to Harville Hendrix? I'm trying to answer the questions, and I am trying to understand, but I still have too many questions that remain to be answered.

But one thing that has been answered is a relationship according to Harville Hendrix is not always an "Imago Match" for that to occur.

So many questions remain unanswered, and even if answered, I don't know if I have the "mature love" to offer to override the intense anger that blocks it. So what does that mean. I will always be immature in my love in any other relationships?

So does that mean I'm fucked forever? The damage is done forever? I will never reach a place of some kind of healing? Or some kind of normal, or near normal healthy relationship(s) or be in healthy relationships?

Time will tell?

That's the only question I think I can answer.

Time will always tell something if nothing but the damn time.


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I once knew an engineer who, when he fixed something, would claim that he had "unfucked" it. No matter how hard I tried to explain the biological impossibility of that statement, he never changed.

What I'm saying is, yes, damage, once done, is forever. Ah, but the fixing, the healing, that starts whenever you want.

And I know you can do it.

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I want it so bad. I wish I could be more with the rest of that short little sentence, but thanks for putting a smile on my face and letting me know that "I'm fucked" is at least biologically possible-LOL Your funny.

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