Not much of an update today. Had some problems with anxiety that started to develop into a panic attack, but I stepped back and found out what the trigger was. I addressed the trigger, it went better than expected, and I calmed down.

Until later when I started to freak out again. That's when I resorted to taking more Xanax. I feel ashamed of doing that when I should be using meditation or yoga or exercise or some other hippie type activity. At least I didn't drink. 7 days no drinking but does it really count as sober if I'm taking xanax? I guess it's the lesser of two evils though as at least I am still alive and when I was on seroquel I was going so far as to shop for suicide supplies even though I was exercising and performing good self care activities.

Luckily my boyfriend understands me or at least accepts me unconditionally and that has made a big difference. It's only about 9 more weeks till I get to see him but I think I should put it out of my mind so don't I get too impatient.

I dunno if it's even a good idea to write about this as it might be focusing my attention on something that I don't want to give more energy to. OTOH I have a feeling I might want to come back to this later for reference.