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more on panic



Not much of an update today. Had some problems with anxiety that started to develop into a panic attack, but I stepped back and found out what the trigger was. I addressed the trigger, it went better than expected, and I calmed down.

Until later when I started to freak out again. That's when I resorted to taking more Xanax. I feel ashamed of doing that when I should be using meditation or yoga or exercise or some other hippie type activity. At least I didn't drink. 7 days no drinking but does it really count as sober if I'm taking xanax? I guess it's the lesser of two evils though as at least I am still alive and when I was on seroquel I was going so far as to shop for suicide supplies even though I was exercising and performing good self care activities.

Luckily my boyfriend understands me or at least accepts me unconditionally and that has made a big difference. It's only about 9 more weeks till I get to see him but I think I should put it out of my mind so don't I get too impatient.

I dunno if it's even a good idea to write about this as it might be focusing my attention on something that I don't want to give more energy to. OTOH I have a feeling I might want to come back to this later for reference.

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I dunno if it's even a good idea to write about this

I can't say if it's a good idea, but for me, it was pleasant to read. It feels good to know you're able to cope better than before, to quite nicely manage your panic attacks, not to drink, ... and... that you have such a loving and accepting boyfriend :)...

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