getting better again
Last night I got to sleep without any sedatives:). First time in almost a year so that's very satisfying to me. I sort of figured out a way to relax and push myself deeper into relaxation until I fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and did the same thing to get back to bed after a snack.
Both times I noticed 3 stages between fully awake and fully asleep. I say "sort of" because I'm going to try it some more and see if this is repeatable. Also I was physically exhausted and I think I am fighting off a cold.
Then today I felt pretty normal. I was stressed at work, but not the kind of anxiety where the boundaries of reality blur and threaten to shatter entirely.
Today is my second day off benzos, have been taking cymbalta for 3 of the past 4 days. I didn't take it last night and that was when I slept the best. I don't know if it's too soon for the cymbalta to be working but I definitely feel better for whatever reason. since I've been cycling up and down over weeks, I'm tempted to say this is a normal mood cycle; anyone is going to have ups and downs over time.
At the same time I feel more confident that I know crazy when I experience it. I've had enough experience with garden variety sadness, fear, anger, etc. to sense a qualitative difference between these and the experiences I label depression, anxiety, or freaking the heck out.
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