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A little out of sorts


Buttons

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My profile picture is a picture of my cats Mittens and Pearl. I adopted them when they were 5 1/2 weeks old. They were so tiny! And I had to feed them milk still. They were abandoned by their mom when they were a week old. The lady who's property they were found on brought them in to my sister's work (she works for a veterinarian) to have them euthanized. An employee there took pity on them and said that she would take care of them until they were old enough to adopt out. Anyway, they are my little babies...even though they are over 2 years old right now.

After the break-up from my fiance earlier this year, life became a little overwhelming. My lease was up this summer and I was in the process of trying to find a place to move to, and also, by some miracle, I met a wonderful man....didn't mean to so quickly, but it happened, and I am very much in love with him. In the process of moving, my cats went to stay with my parents. I didn't want them getting in the way. I decided that they should stay with my parents for a few weeks while I got unpacked and settled in to a new place. Long story short, my dad started letting the always indoor cats outside...and they became outdoor cats. He lets them out every morning and they stay in the backyard and just lay in the sun and catch dragon flies. They are very happy. At the same time, my calico cat Mittens started to calm down a lot. She used to cry out constantly in the morning and she was fairly disruptive in my old place, not to mention defiant towards me. But she really took to my mom actually, and she makes my mom really happy. In fact, my mom doesn't bother me as much as she used to. I think the cats keep her occupied. Anyway, a few weeks after my move, my parents asked me if they could keep the cats. I agreed...feeling it was best since I was barely home at the time and the cats needed attention. Plus my parents are old and cranky people who could use some affection in their lives (they hate each other!!). And the cats love the backyard. In my new place, I have no backyard and they can't go out and wander the neighbourhood. I don't want them to do that.

I'm miserable. I really miss them. I won't take them back though. Not only because my parents are attached, but because they've finally adjusted to their new home and I don't want to cause them any more trauma. They are truly very happy there. But I've realised how much they were a therapeutic tool for me. I feel very alone now.

My boyfriend is wonderful. I've never felt more like a grown woman before. I've never felt so loved and respected. He's just an angel. He's been going through a rough time lately unfortunately. He's been on anti-depressants for many years to help with social and a generalised anxiety disorder, however he is attempting to come off of them and stay off of them. He's hoping to find a natural way to cope. This has left him more irritable and anxious than usual, not to mention it has aggravated his stomach issues (he, like me, has Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which can take over your life when it acts up). So we don't see much of each other lately. We just spend some time together on a short trip to visit his family, although we were both quite sick the entire time. We took care of each other though. And we did very well, both being sick, but both being able to show love to each other and to keep each other positive. Now that we are back home, he is feeling ill still....and unable to go out unfortunately. I do visit, but being off the medication, he sleeps most of the time (he's been off work for 3 weeks). He has very low energy.

I feel alone, because I have been depressed lately. This summer has been very difficult. My friends, also being friends with my ex, have in some ways taken sides. Although they claim not to have taken sides, a few of them spend significantly more time with my ex than with me. I've known them all since elementary school and he knows them through me. It just doesn't seem fair. So it was a lonely summer. When I wasn't with my boyfriend, I was alone. I spent a lot of time alone in my house doing nothing. My cats weren't around....I'm not used to being 100% alone I guess. It's funny, I'm not that social. I'm very introverted and I find social interaction overwhelming. I don't like parties or large get-togethers, and I enjoy "me time". But I get very lonely. My cats prevented me from getting too lonely and depressed.

My boyfriend has suggested I get a pet. He's allergic to cats. He is afraid of large dogs. I'm not a huge dog person. I prefer cats. He's hoping he can get used to cats since he likes them and wants me to be happy. I don't know what to do. I told him, I'm not prepared to adopt a temporary pet. I won't be giving this one away if he's allergic. I can't do it.

I am thinking of switching therapists. I don't believe mine is helping me anymore. He insists that everything that is wrong with me has to do with my mother and he wants me to revisit issues over and over and over again. Also, he's convinced I'm not telling him everything. While I agree that my mother is evil, there's more than just her to the equation. I actually went to my medical doctor 2 months ago and requested anti-depressants. He put me on Wellbutrin, which I reacted to very badly and I had to be taken off of it. He didn't prescribe anything else for the meantime. He wants to run some tests first. I see him on Tuesday and we are supposed to discuss my options. I don't like the idea of taking anti-depressants, mainly because they can be addictive and they have sexual side effects. I am desperate to feel better in a sense...but not if it will affect my sex drive. I've taken other medications which have 100% killed my sex drive and I've been miserable.

Anyway, I am quite sad lately. It seems like my brain is always trying to sort things out. I wish it would stop for a minute! Sometimes it's very hard to sleep. Actually it's past midnight right now. I just don't want to go to bed.

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Hi Buttons,

Sorry you're feeling so down right now. A lot of what you said resonated with me so I thought I'd just let you know I was listening.

I've never considered myself a cat person but my brother asked me to take care of his cat Echo while he was in the midst of a move. I've had her for about three months now. I never knew they could be so affectionate. Up until her, I've been used to cats glaring at me, then wandering off in the opposite direction.

Maybe you can get a small non-allergenic dog. I don't think it's so much what kind of pet that matters but rather that you love each other and keep each other company.

I'm sorry but I had to laugh about the therapist and your mother thing. That seems to be my therapist's focus at the moment too. I'm about to tell him, "Please, please get off the mother thing!" Mine wasn't mean or anything, just ignored me or brushed me off when I was upset. Honestly, I just don't think about her that often. I need to get him to paint a picture of how that train of thought is going to get me out the other side. So maybe you should just tell your therapist to lay off for a while, there's got to be other tools in his toolbox. It's so hard to find good therapists, if he's helping you at all or has in the past, it may be worth trying to work this out.

And don't underestimate the bleak effect a long, dark, cold Canadian winter has on one's psyche. Everybody I know is popping Vitamin D these days. I'm on 3000 IU a day.

Hope you can find something enjoyable to do this weekend.

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Thanks Athena. I feel like you get it completely!

I'm definitely just looking for a companion. I'm not much of a dog person, but it may be the way to go. I find the sound of a dog barking to be very aggravating. I get anxious. But we'll see. I need something because I'm crying every day from feeling so alone.

My mom definitely never acknowledges my feelings. Hers were far more important and she would make fun of me or get angry at me when I was upset. I was chatting with my boyfriend today about how much mental health services suck in our town. Made me think about how young people are not often taken seriously with their mental health issues. I've had them for as long as I can remember! And they were always brushed off...I was told I was over-dramatic or too sensitive. Sad.

It's kind of funny that your therapist is much like mine about your mom. I know what you mean...I'm trying to move away from thoughts of her. I'm so tired of re-exploring issues!! I don't find it helpful. You're right that good therapists are hard to come by. I should tell him to back off a bit! I'm sure he'll understand.

I went out and bought some vitamin D today. I keep forgetting about that. In fact I should be using my light therapy lamp every morning. The light is so aggravating! But it does work with time.

I visited my boyfriend this evening. That was nice. I don't see him much :( That's very hard on me. He says I should focus on the wonderful times we have together when I am sad that we are apart. It's hard for me to stay positive I guess. He's felt sick for so long now...we never go out because he can't. There's no visible end unfortunately. It's looking more and more like he will need to take medication again. He's not coping well. I just want him to get his life back so that we can get our relationship back! I'm very much struggling with it right now. On one hand I know he loves me. He makes me feel very loved. But I am sad not being able to do anything. It's hard sitting at home alone all the time!

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I find the sound of a dog barking to be very aggravating. I get anxious. But we'll see. I need something because I'm crying every day from feeling so alone.
Not all dogs bark a lot. Although I find poodles particularly yappy. But I'm sure if you did some research you would find a small, calm, affectionate hypoallergenic dog that suits you.

I was chatting with my boyfriend today about how much mental health services suck in our town. Made me think about how young people are not often taken seriously with their mental health issues. I've had them for as long as I can remember! And they were always brushed off...I was told I was over-dramatic or too sensitive. Sad.

Well, it certainly would be nice if we could tell ourselves that, pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, see the glass as half full and move on with our new, happy lives. And maybe for some people that works. For others like us, it doesn't. I saw a therapist at age 17. It was the first inkling my parents had that something was wrong. I was about 100 lbs (I'm 5'7" and my normal weight was around 125 - 130 at the time). I gave up after a few months because I just felt like I was complaining and after I got all my complaints out, I had nothing more to say and felt worse. I didn't know anything about 'bonding' with one's therapist, or anything else about therapy for that matter. But when I look back on the sessions now, I picture him about 30 feet away from me, which is ridiculously far so is probably not what it was, but that's what it felt like. I don't think he had the first clue how to get a socially outcast, isolated, withdrawn 17 year old talking about the stuff that really matters. Anyway I concluded nobody could ever help me and that I was on my own so just suck it up! I think now that that experience went a long way to ensuring the rest of my life would be misery (I am now 49 and seriously wonder why I'm still here). So my point of all this is - 1) make sure you have a good therapist who is particularly good with people your age, 2) make sure you emotionally bond with him and if you lose the bond, tell him and work on getting it back because the bond is crucial (and my current therapist concurs) for therapy to be effective and 3) don't give up on therapy - things will NOT just go away on their own. 'Sucking it up' would have worked by now if it was a viable option for you.
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Oh, I didn't want to ignore this comment either:

I visited my boyfriend this evening. That was nice. I don't see him much :( That's very hard on me. He says I should focus on the wonderful times we have together when I am sad that we are apart. It's hard for me to stay positive I guess. He's felt sick for so long now...we never go out because he can't. There's no visible end unfortunately. It's looking more and more like he will need to take medication again. He's not coping well. I just want him to get his life back so that we can get our relationship back! I'm very much struggling with it right now. On one hand I know he loves me. He makes me feel very loved. But I am sad not being able to do anything. It's hard sitting at home alone all the time!

This is a tough situation to be in. You don't see him nearly enough so you spend a lot of time alone. And yet, you are pre-empted from seeing anybody else because you are still attached to him. I'm in what I call a 'half-relationship' at the moment. Different from your situation, yet similar. I'm probably closer to your BF's situation and (I'll call him R) R is the supportive one. Although he is very supportive and caring, he can't accept me as I am. I can see that he is waiting for me to 'change'. And I don't blame him. So it dawned on me that it is not possible for me to not feel a fair bit of rejection in this situation. And he's wary of getting hurt by somebody 'like me' so he keeps his distance (physically in particular). Both of us are still lonely. So my inclination now is to just take a break, relegate us to 'friends' status, give each other our freedom and see what happens. Status quo is not an option. It's just getting too painful.

I apologize for going on about my situation but I'm thinking that it may perhaps give you a different perspective on your situation. I also hope that you have talked about this with your therapist. They get us thinking in all sorts of directions that often we may never have got to ourselves. Some are way off but some are eerily bang on.

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No need to apologize for "going on" about your situation. It is an interesting perspective. I'm sorry that you have been in so much pain. I don't have a full understanding of the situation, but I can imagine how difficult that must be. It does have some similarities to mine, however in my case, my boyfriend has an anxiety disorder, and I have depression and anxiety issues. So we're both in quite the pickle. We try very hard to support each other and normally we can, it's just that right now we're both going through a rough time. He just started a new medication actually. He came off the last one way too fast and was experiencing some rather scary symptoms. So now that he's back on an anti-depressant, he's starting to feel "normal" again. He's now on a crusade to help me. He broke down crying this evening saying that he is so afraid to lose me because he's never felt so strongly towards anyone (that made me smile!). I guess all of my negative talk is getting to him. I think he thinks I'm suicidal. I can see how he may have thought that, I can have very dark moments, and I cry most of the time when I'm with him lately. I'm not suicidal though, just very depressed. I have been for a long time, off and on....really for as long as I can remember. I'm just about to turn 27 and I've been depressed since I was about 12 years old. The problem is, it's never been treated. And it's becoming harder to deal with.

My therapist is a good therapist, no doubt. But we have lost the bond. And I feel like he's lost interest in helping me. I don't feel confident that I'm getting anything out of therapy. I believe I would benefit from trying another therapist, perhaps one that specialized is CBT, which mine does not do. I need some coping techniques so that I can work through my anxiety and depression. I'm tired of being pushed to re-live every single past event. I don't see the point of living in the past, and my therapist keeps me there.

I think I seriously need to consider medication at this point. I feel like I need something to get me on the right track. I can't seem to pull myself out of depression. No amount of therapy has helped completely. I need to find a family physician though. I do not like mine. I met with him for my annual physical this week and I left crying. I told him many times how depressed I was and he kept brushing it off. He actually walked out of the room while I was still talking to him. I definitely need a new doctor so that I can tackle my mental health issues. They're affecting every aspect of my life and essentially taking over.

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It is wonderful that you have such a bond with your boyfriend. If you can't see him as much as you want, hopefully you are able to talk on the phone or Skype/video call. The support of another works wonders when one is going through a rough patch.

My therapist is a good therapist' date=' no doubt. But we have lost the bond. And I feel like he's lost interest in helping me. I don't feel confident that I'm getting anything out of therapy. I believe I would benefit from trying another therapist, perhaps one that specialized is CBT, which mine does not do. I need some coping techniques so that I can work through my anxiety and depression. I'm tired of being pushed to re-live every single past event. I don't see the point of living in the past, and my therapist keeps me there.[/quote'] What kind of therapy are you currently in? I have tried CBT. No, they will not go into the past. The CBT therapist I saw was quite cold, didn't listen particularly well and there was no bond whatsoever. I don't know if that is typical. But CBT works quickly for some people. There is a therapy called DBT (Dialectic behaviour Therapy) which combines acceptance, strategies for change (social and cognitive) and mindfulness. It was developed specifically for BPD but I think it could have benefits to others who just can't seem to improve with regular therapy. Wikipedia describes it quite well.

I think I seriously need to consider medication at this point. I feel like I need something to get me on the right track. I can't seem to pull myself out of depression. No amount of therapy has helped completely. I need to find a family physician though. I do not like mine. I met with him for my annual physical this week and I left crying. I told him many times how depressed I was and he kept brushing it off. He actually walked out of the room while I was still talking to him. I definitely need a new doctor so that I can tackle my mental health issues. They're affecting every aspect of my life and essentially taking over.

Sounds like my GP. I am also looking for another one. I'm OK with him not spending much time on how I feel emotionally. He's not trained to deal with that. But it's like pulling teeth to get him to refer me to a specialist. I'd like to rule out other factors such as hypothyroidism, hypometabolism, adrenal fatigue, or some problem that may have been caused by a couple of concussions I had. There's probably enough fodder to say my problems are environment/parenting based but I'd like to rule out the other issues before I spend multiple years on therapy.

If contemplating another therapy makes you feel more hopeful, then that's probably the route you should go. Medications help some people so it's worth trying those as well. But they are most often just a bandaid solution. Something to get you through until you can solve the real problem.

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