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I don't feel stable but I'm still able to step back and assess. Something very strange is happening. It's like a switch flipped and I don't have the energy or the motivation to continue. I know I will continue out of sheer stubbornness or laziness, I'm not sure which. What I used to call reality doesn't feel real anymore, but the part that feels real is also very strange. I'm floating away into an internal world and I'm not sure what my body will do in meatspace during my little vacation inside my head. Maybe I'm worrying too much.

Pdoc put me on symbyax (Prozac plus a low dose antipsychotic) for treatment resistant depression. Went down on the Wellbutrin dose since adding the prozac. Doc's theory is Wellbutrin is too high which can cause panic attacks. Shouldn't be feeling the change after two days. I think this is the way I normally am when I don't have benzos. I'm dissociated as hell and would normally have drank this away. Going to try meditation. Probably will feel fine in the morning.


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Hang in there Ralph. Coming off Benzo's is a powerful and painful process. One must remember that it takes months of being sober, even years, to truly get back to ones self. It took my husband almost two years to get his thinking back on track and to lose the numbness and fogginess that long term drug abuse had caused. For 15 years he used anything and everything he could get his hands on, along with benzo's and opiates. It get's better, Ralph. These spells should get farther and farther apart as time goes on and become few and far between. I hope you have support where you are to help you through these times of turbulence. Know that you can pm me anytime that you need to talk. If it helps, you may talk to my husband. He's been there so words from him would probably mean more than the words I speak. I have faith in you Ralph. Meditate, do whatever you can to break the cycle. God Bless.

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Thanks JaiJai. I was happy to see this.

@Jenna - I only used benzo's for about a month. I never abused them. Well I tried but I didn't like it at all. I wish I could be like that with drinking but for whatever reason alcohol has a different effect for me than xanax or klonopin did.

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Jenna, you did help and your past posts have helped me as well. I was clarifying because I thought maybe I implied that I was abusing benzo's but that's the one class of drug I seem to be capable of using only when appropriate.

You were on topic and if I wasn't clear then I'm the one who is rambling. Don't expect that to get better though, as I have no other place to do my rambling and get helpful input :).

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