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Oh, young relationships... 01/31/2012


Kayla

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So, this is my second blog entry to date. I'm sitting in the lobby, waiting on my next class to start, and I've decided I want to write about the current relationship I am in. Since, well... it is one that is very important to me, and one that I have put an insane amount of effort into.

I'm going to call him "S" in the entry.

Let me begin with telling everyone how S and I met. Actually, I need to give the back story first. I have a brother who is 10 years older than I am. We were very close when I was young, and had a special relationship. He would take me places, and we spent a lot of quality time together. My brother had a very close knit group of friends that he hung out with on a regular basis. About 5 guys.. and S happened to be one of them. They all played hockey together, and were constantly with one another. I knew them all fairly well, mainly because they were always at my house. I think when I was about 8 or 9, I kind of became the little sister that was just, "hanging around". So I quit doing so. I never had any crushes on any of the guys or anything, but that was probably because I thought boys were gross until I was like 12, haha. Anyway, time went on, my brother and I became more distant.. mainly because he went down a very crooked path. Lots of drugs being used, and alcohol being consumed. In 2001, my brother went to jail for a year for being caught with a large amount of drugs. When he got out in 2002, he moved into a small 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment with S. S wasn't involved in near as much of drugs and partying as my brother was, so it was good for him to move in with S. My brother did well for about a year, and then S moved out of the apartment to live with a girl whom he had been seeing for about 6 months. I'm going to skip forward 2 years...

In May of 2004, my family and I moved to Tennessee (as I mentioned in my last blog) from Florida. My brother came with us, to help us move everything into our new home, but was going back to Florida to live. That next week, S also came up, and helped do some of the electrical work in our house. (He was working as an electrician at the time.) I still had no feelings or anything towards S. I was 12, and he was 22. What could I possibly feel?? I always just saw him as my brother's best friend.

At this time, I was about to go into 8th grade.

So, I'm going to fast forward again to about 7 years later...

Of course, an insane amount of things happened in those 7 years. I made amazing friends, lost some, had sex for the first time, experimented with drugs and alcohol, fell in love for the first time, had my heart completely broken, went through partying stages, my brother moved to Tennessee, I went to college, and a lot more.. but I'm going to get to my current status.

January 30th, 2011.

I got my wrist pierced this day. It's called a dermal piercing, and I love it. I had posted a few pictures to my Facebook page after getting it done.

Now, before I go any further, I have to give this little piece of information. My brother had moved to Tennessee in 2008. Trying to start fresh. He didn't talk to those 5 guys very often, because none of them wanted anything to do with him anymore. They had all grown up, and started careers, while my brother was trying to stay 20 years old forever. My brother ended up fucking his life up even more by moving there. Luckily now... he seems to be doing alright.

ANYWAY! Back to January 30th. I had posted my new piercing pictures to Facebook. And all of a sudden, I got a chat pop-up. It was S. We had been friends on Facebook for probably a year or so. We never talked though. He asked me how I was doing, how my family was, and how he could maybe get a hold of my brother to see how he was doing. We talked for a little while, he told me he liked my piercing, and how he couldn't believe how grown up I was. (He hadn't seen me since I was like.. 12.) We talked a little while longer, and I told him that my brother didn't have a phone at the moment, but I'd get S' number, and give it to my brother when I saw him next. S told me he'd just text it to me.. which required me giving him my number. He texted me later on that night. I told him I wouldn't be seeing my brother until next week, and he told me that since that was the case, he better hear from me before then. :( Which was cute, and I thought it would be nice to catch up with him, and see how his life was panning out.

S and I started texting everyday, a few times a day. He was back in college to get a degree in electrical engineering, and I was in my third year of college studying psychology. We had the same sense of humor, and thought the same things were funny. He was quick witted, and sweet, and very smart. I liked him, but knew nothing would come of this. We were on two completely different levels, and lived 700 miles away from each other. About 3 weeks into it, S told me that he was going to be going to North Carolina for Spring Break, because his mom and sister live there, and he wanted to visit. He asked if I'd want to meet up in Asheville, NC for a few days, and camp. I thought this sounded like a ton of fun, so of course I agreed. We met up on Friday, March 4th, 2011. I was working at a tanning salon at the time, and didn't get off of work until about 4 o'clock PM. So, as soon as I got off work, I went to my house, got my stuff, and drove to Asheville. Asheville was only about an hour and half from when I lived in Tennessee, so It wasn't a very long drive. I got to the place where we were camping, and it was absolutely breath taking. We were camping right on a river, and when I got there S already had our tent all set up, and a fire going. I gave him a big hug, and told him I was really happy we decided to do this. He agreed. We sat down next to the fire, and just talked until about... 3AM. We decided by then it was time for us to head to bed. When we got in bed, and cuddled up next to one another, and shared our first kiss. Everything felt so right. We ended up having sex that night/morning...multiple times. The next morning we woke up, and just stared at each other for a while. I asked him if he had ever been skydiving. He said no, but that he'd like to go one day. I had never been either. So that day, we decided that's what we were going to do. We went skydiving, and it was the most incredible experience of my life. We spent the next 2 days, exploring Asheville, and just enjoying our time together. The day before we left, we were in his car, on our way back to the campsite, when he looked at me and asked, "So what happens after this?" I told him I wasn't really sure, but knew I wanted to see him again. After we left, we made plans to meet up in May in Atlanta, GA. We stayed there for 5 days, and had another great trip. After that, we met up in June in West Virginia, and went whitewater rafting, which was also exhilarating. Then in July, August, and October, I came to Tampa to visit him. Mainly because he was taking classes during the Summer, and I wasn't. I stayed at his apartment with him, and we had a wonderful time each time I visited. At this point, we were definitely a couple. It was really, really hard to maintain a long distance relationship, there were nights that I would cry, because I hated that things had to be this way. But we managed to get through it.

In November, I decided I definitely wanted to go to graduate school after I finished my Bachelor's degree. I looked at schools everywhere, and decided that not only would I be closer to S in Tampa, but that their graduate program in Psychology is one of the best in the nation. And that's where I am now. :o

I moved away from everything I knew in Tennessee, to Florida on January 1st, 2012. I live about 2 miles away from S, and we see each other usually 3-4 days a week. We're both super busy with school, so we don't get to spend as much time together as we'd like. But I'm definitely not complaining.

Sometimes, though... I feel like everything isn't as perfect as I hoped it would be. I love S, and I cherish every moment I spend with him, but he isn't one to show his emotions near as much as I'd like. I feel like I'm always having to guess with him. And so I ask him a lot of questions.. and he gets mad about it. But if he'd just tell me to begin with, I wouldn't have to ask! I get so frustrated sometimes, and I know he does too. I would be heartbroken if he left me. I don't think that's happening or anything, but the thought is always in the back of my mind. I know that normal relationships have problems, and issues, but are mine normal? I'm probably over-analyzing the whole situation, and am upset over nothing, but sometimes I just need reassurance and I don't get it. I've even told him about this while we were doing the long distance thing. I knew he was really stressed out with school, but he wasn't showing me any sort of emotion or affection at all. After I said something to him about it, he was fine for the next day or so. After that, he went back to being the same way he was before I said anything. I told him about a week later, that he was losing me... and that I wasn't able to deal with him acting like I meant nothing to him. He completely changed after that. But did it really take telling him that he was losing me for him to change his ways a little bit? He's being the same way now, and I notice this happens when he gets really stressed out with school, and other things going on. I'm not sure how to help him though. When I try to say or do nice things, he acts like I didn't even do anything, and it's discouraging.

Had anyone else had these problems in a relationship? If so, how did you overcome them? Is there anything I can do or say to him that might make a difference?

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Kayla

Hon you are so young and that doesn't make you unintelligent but unworldly maybe.

As you well know my relationship dehlima <---I don't know how to spell that.LOL

I live with a sociopath. He is completely unfeeling all the time. He is 10 years older than me and he acts like he has no more socializing experience than my 7 year old. My son turned 7 in september it will be 8 years since we had sex in june. I don't mean he hasn't made attempts to be intimate in those 8 years just that it never lead to anything more than the attempt.

I have been studying various fields of psychology for 23 years and I will tell you what I think.

I think that some people have sociopathic tendancies. "T" was not so bad in the beginning he had some quirks but he was not so cold or quite as unaffectionate. But things happened and of course I got pregnant so stress levels rose and the number of symptoms increased along with their severity. Now they seem to be spiralling out of control.

I'm not saying I think S is sociopathic or even that HE (imparticular) has sociopathic tendancies. I think we all have some sociopathic tendancies and that they become more appearant when we are under a lot of stress because it is then that we are most vulnerable. Does that make sense?

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It does make a lot of sense, actually. I know that when I'm stressed, I'm much more irritable that I would be normally. But when his stress level rises, he acts like I mean nothing to him, and it's not right for him to make me feel that way. I would never make him feel like that no matter the circumstances.

You, frazzled, have an incredible amount of will-power to deal with such problems on a daily basis. I wish I had the kind of determination that you do. I really have nothing to complain about considering your dilemma. I really hope that things start to get better in your life, and maybe "T" will considering getting some professional help soon. :)

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