today was a bad for me. It felt like the world was crashing down around me.

panicky, nervous, paranoid, suspicious, doubtful,sad, worried, and worst of all guilty. I am short changing everyone around me.

a major trigger, my writing. I write at home, in private never showing anyone my true thoughts. NEVER have I talked about myself without holding back or hiding the truth. Usually when I meet people I will disappear from their lives. Many people I used to work with (its been 3 years since I lasted worked outside the home) see me and can't believe I just disappeared like I did...

boy do I ramble. I find it hard to maintain one line of thought as my thoughts jump from one subject to another. My mind races so fast it seems impossible to make sense. Needless to say, I am freaking out about putting some of these thoughts online.

I am ready to get help. I am ready to admit I have issues. I am ready to admit medication may help. Well, I always admitted (at least to myself) I had issues. I just never faced it long enough to deal with it. It is painful to admit that I am screwing up my kids....:confused::confused::confused: