On April 24, 2010 my father passed away after a long hard fight with colon cancer. I love my dad and miss him every day. My grief is as fresh today as it was on that day in 2010.
I have many feelings bottled up inside me in regards to my father's illness and death. I have great sadness, an empty spot in my heart, anger, resentment, forgiveness, and love. Overall, I am heartbroken.
How do you mend a broken heart? Can a broken heart be mended? I know, with time comes healing. But it has been two years now and I am not healing. I am feeling more now than I did in the last 2 years. How can I deal with these emotions? People just don't understand the way I deal with things. To be honest, I don't. I have recently realized that I have buried all the nasty things in my life in a cavern deep in my brain. Buried way way back where I can't access them. Buried, hidden from me. But now there is a light on in that cavern and I have to start facing these nasty things. So two years later my grief is as fresh and as real as it was the day he died. But two years later you can't show your grief because people feel you should have done that during his funeral. People think that by now I should have dealt with everything and moved on. But I haven't dealt with everything and moved on. I have just started to discuss all this with my psychologist so I hope that will help me with the healing process.
I wrote a good-bye to my dad in my blog. In this blog is the first poem I have written in a very long long long time. Please, feel free to go read it http://stigmabegone.blogspot.com