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My therapist says I still have trauma to work through, on account of I can't talk about it without crying. I should be able to talk about it like you talk about a failed relationship, apparently, as in expressing sorrow that it happened but not choking up just to mention it. Thought I'd gotten over this.

I need some kind of motivation to reconnect with reality. Going to up the meditation for now. That seems to have a preventative effect. Lately I've been feeling incredibly scattered, like my brain is in a million places at once. Okay maybe only three or four but that is still too much to focus on simultaneously.


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So sorry to hear that you’ve got stuff still to work on. But it’s good, maybe, that at least you’re not blocking the pain? Usually I can't cry.

I cried and felt awful on Monday. Lots of things, the important thing was that I DID cry. And I felt disoriented, like. That’s something that I had never heard about therapy – that when things shift internally it’s very disorienting.

Maybe you'll reconnect with reality in time? Or reality will reconnect with you? And even though you can't talk about your trauma now without choking up, doesn't it provide you with some hope that your therapist believes that someday you will?

I’m getting to where I can love myself. What a strange feeling. Not loving, because I can do that. But with me as the person or being that my loving is toward.

Take care and good luck with the therapy and the process.

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Thanks both of you. I am disoriented but I don't feel I think about the past that much. It feels weird, having different feelings from moment to moment for no discernible reason.

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