I’m continuing to get used to living day-to-day, more and more interested in what’s going on around me than my internal “mental” or emotional misery and confusion.
I can see better now that what I thought years ago was ineffective or harmful therapy actually was. I don’t yet see how to take my experiences and turn them into something that will be useful or helpful for others. The topic for my support group meeting last night was “turning it over”. So – I guess I can do that. Little by little the word will get around about effective ways to help more people. If the ways are effective, the ways are effective and will become obvious in our (more-or-less) free society.
Me thinking that I somehow have to change things myself seems like a remnant of my old style of thinking. It’s nice to see things like that and then feel like I can let them go. The way I used to do things, sometimes I could see things about me that weren’t working so well but then I would just beat myself up about them. That kept them “with” me, even as the object of something I was beating up. The irony is that having accepted aspects of me that I didn’t like, I can now let some expressions of those parts go. That may not make much sense to anybody who’s not struggled with fragmentation or dissociation, but for anybody who has – I hope that makes some sense.