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Reconnection to the world and relationships


devils daughter

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That’s the third stage of therapy for trauma according to my therapist. I’m mostly at the start of that stage although I sometimes I seem to slip back to the second stage, “remembrance and mourning”.

I’ve got all my feelings now, I hope. Today I went to a Waffle House while my car was being worked on. It’s a chain restaurant here in the U.S. with a lot of hustle and bustle – that is, a lot of activity. I felt very alive in there. I had some interaction and exchanged humor with some of the servers. And it reminded me of the time that I lost that sense in another restaurant with my father when I was 5.

Leaving the Waffle House I felt very sad -- mourning, I guess, the 60 years in which I have not felt that I could be a part of the hustle and bustle world – that is, the real world.

Recovery ain’t so easy. It’s the only option – well, the other is stagnation and I’m not taking that. But it’s tough and I still wonder, what’s the point? Writing that just now an answer came to my mind – maybe I won’t know until it’s all over.

Ain’t over yet. Very painful and sad sometimes still. If it’s still like that at the end, then it will still be like that. But maybe it won’t be.

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I think it's natural for any of us to feel an existential twinge of sadness and mourning for time that has passed and what we feel we missed or what was lost to us. I know now how much I enjoy people and yet I spent over 35 years afraid to interact with very many. So we stop for a moment, take note of our sadness, allow the feelings, and then take another...perhaps wobbly...step forward.

Resilience. The human spirit. Finding the inner strength and courage to keep trying. It's a beautiful thing.

What's the point? Maybe the deep meaning sometimes is to simply enjoy the view as you walk along the path. Life is a struggle, but it's now. Maybe there is joy and love to be found as well. Maybe we even find it in ourselves.

Take care, DD.

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