I seem to be circling some kind of breakthrough, this past week or so. I've often felt divided internally. Not dissociated into separate personalities, really. Just that I have parts that are specialized for different things. The most obvious part, to the outside world, is the censor, who's responsible for my writing emerging in full sentences the way it does. There's also quite a bit of contained anger, and a childlike being that's just silly (the censor allows him to express himself in puns), and so on.

A lot of my therapy has centered on efforts to weaken the censor, or to strengthen some intermediate persona whose job would be to balance the censor and the child, hence my recent interest in balance. What I'm beginning to think, however, is that what's really needed is to just let these various facets merge again. I've spent a lot of intellect on defining the parts, identifying all the subtle differences between them, thinking that I would be better able to "understand" myself that way.

Maybe I don't have to understand. Maybe it's time I just let myself be.