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Merge to Emerge


malign

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I seem to be circling some kind of breakthrough, this past week or so. I've often felt divided internally. Not dissociated into separate personalities, really. Just that I have parts that are specialized for different things. The most obvious part, to the outside world, is the censor, who's responsible for my writing emerging in full sentences the way it does. There's also quite a bit of contained anger, and a childlike being that's just silly (the censor allows him to express himself in puns), and so on.

A lot of my therapy has centered on efforts to weaken the censor, or to strengthen some intermediate persona whose job would be to balance the censor and the child, hence my recent interest in balance. What I'm beginning to think, however, is that what's really needed is to just let these various facets merge again. I've spent a lot of intellect on defining the parts, identifying all the subtle differences between them, thinking that I would be better able to "understand" myself that way.

Maybe I don't have to understand. Maybe it's time I just let myself be.

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I was taught a trick along time ago because I too have the balancing problem especially when it comes to thinking too much.

Half of me is highly artistic and creative the other half of me is highly analytical. Oddly, it's the analytical side of me that gets me in the most trouble.

Stretch out your arms, one to each side picturing your body like a scale and weigh yourself, child on one side, adult on the other, creative on one side, analytical on the other. Close your eyes and balance both sides. This lets you tune yourself back to balance.

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