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signs I've actually grown!



Well, after the cafafel of last Thursday when I saw C and last Wednesday when I was mean to my girlfriend's bf, I went off to my kayak weekend where I was annoyed with N, which was totally predictable... She always correct me when I go" hey can I have one of you beers?", She's like: "please", as if I was a F* child! SSSSSo annoying. even if I am asking someone else! So annoying! I actually told her to F* off. I know, that was a little harsh, but heck, I have told her before that it wasn't ok to do that to me. Several times, and she keeps on doing it. Next time, I;ll use 'bite me" it's a little less aggressive...Regardless, I mean, I am pretty polite, seriously. I am not the most proper, and frankly, I dont wish to be so stuck up... I just want to be respected. I dont tell her how to act! What I am doing isn't so offensive, so ya, [in my head now] F* off girl!

anyway. but I also met two awesome girls, from Germany of all places! My best friend R is German as well! Ah I guess I get along with Germans... Anyways. It was refreshing to meet these two! So fun! I want to hang with them more!

Then , didn't speak to R until today. I fought hard not to apologize. Seriously, I am so apologetic some people actually told me it was annoying. so I didn't. But today, she called and I was so happy and relieved. She was all nice and wants to see me on the weekend. I think she realize that her boyfriend can be obnoxious, especially when he's drunk. But she loves him and wants to keep it going. It's ok. I'll just have to deal. I'm totally ok with it.

Now, for this sign that I have grown, what I mean by that, is that I had faith, somehow, that she would come back to me. That what I did wasnt' too wrong and that our friendship was worth more than this lil upset thing. I mean, maybe we;ll talk about it. and it's ok. but I actually was able to sleep and do my thing and not be all worried.

At least one thing goes well. ok, a few thing. Work is going ok as well. We are running out of work on this worksite, but I think the company will have more work for me... so I will sleep still.

As for love, well, still in a holding pattern. Not meeting anyone to my liking. Still wondering what went wrong with C. But hoping that I will find someone new and move on now. I am ready.

As with my therapist, well, she was supposed to call me yesterday and didn't. It's not going to well with the follow up on her end. I think I'll have to find a new therapist who is more committed and has time on her schedule for me! But that's ok...

the work is still in progress.


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