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good comebacks



"takes one to know one"

"bite me"

How many people work with you?

Oh, About half of them

"Let's now take another caller"

"You need a good dose of led"

"everybody's a comedian" -from C. He's still a funny F*(*&

'I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.'

'hey, I don't work here. I'm just a consultant.'

'I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.'

'And again in English this time'

'up yours'

'I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth'

'your teeth are brighter than you are'

'I'm not offended by what you say. I'm just glad that you're able to string words into sentences today.'

I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest.~Steven Pearl

'I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

~English professor, Ohio University

'The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.

~David Gerrold

'The trouble with you is that you lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

~ George Bernard Shaw

'ok, earmuffs'

'no soup for you!'

'I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.'

'Too many freaks, not enough circuses'

'Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.'

OOOOOh, this one is for N:

'Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?'

'A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.'

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

It ain't the size, it's... no, sorry, it's the size.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

The difference between this company and a cactus plant is that the plant has pricks on the outside

May your children be so famous every policeman knows them.

May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest your Erogenous Zones.

# Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence

"SAy, do you still love nature, despite what it's done to you?

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Aldous Huxley

-- Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.

Everytime I look at you I go blind

I wish I'd known you when you were alive.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

No worries, There ought to be just one day where there is open season on people named ___

The trouble with the rat race is even if you win you're still a rat.

I regard you with an indifference closely bordering on aversion.

suppose you were an moron. And suppose you were a ___. But I repeat myself.

A healthy adult pig consumes each day one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

My Reality Check bounced

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the delete key.

You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...

oh Save your breath will you...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

you started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!


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