This is moment number five.

When I was in college, I never had a boyfriend. I did have some 'moments' with guys, but never a true relationship.

I did like this boy in high school who was the 'president' of the school and tried to get him even though we didn't have the same circle of friends, but he knew my best friend Isa. He liked biking, as I did, was cute, smart, a lot of girls liked him... I liked him! So, I started saying 'hi' but was really shy... didn't know what to say to him. We never did. But I knew he liked me. Many many times he yelled in the stairs when he saw me 'HI S___!! HOW ARE YOU?' I would answer back but not much more, and we never were together. He later got a girlfriend and that was that.

So, in college. I hung out with another of my best friend J. And we went to her hometown one weekend. We were at this pub her bro owned and I saw this guy. He was extremely cute. I rushed to ask J who that was, and if he had a girlfriend, and said that I really liked him', she was like 'who? oh, Seb? No he doesn't have a girlfriend. Ya, he's cute, and he's nice too...' Next thing you know, he came to our table to talk to J. I was ecstatic. I started talking to him, asking him what he did in college, etc. He didn't say much. He seemed a bit sad. He didn't go to college. He was a roofer.

I thought, well that didn't go over too well did it? I hated that I asked that. I thought, he must think I'm a preppy. And I also thought, 'well, what are we going to talk about. I'm all academia and biking, he's...roofing. and beer? Plus he lives 3h away. Great.'

In the next few month, all my friends know I fancied Seb. They always gave me news of his whereabouts...and one day, one of my friend said 'guess what: Seb is moving here in town! and he'll be at the pub tonight.' Excitement.

At the bar, I was shy and didn't know what to say to him. But he went on the dance floor and I thought, maybe I can get closer to him then. We all danced and bumped into each other. I was happy to be next to him, even though we didn't talk...

I saw him many times after that, just as friends, talking a little, both being quite shy... I was so eager to just kiss him or something. I didn't know what would happen. But I was happy when I saw him.

A weeks later, my friends and I went on a Sunday bike ride in the city. We met up with Seb and some other friends. I was riding at the back, behind Seb, and then, his silly long makeshift belt got caught in his back derailleur. I helped him with it, and we talked and laugh about the situation, as the other left us behind and rode on. We tried to catch up to them but never found them, so we just rode around. It started to pour and we were riding, all soaked to the bone and smiling in the beautiful sun shower.

Since we were soaked, Seb suggested that we went back to his place to change. He lent me a t-shirt and some too big pants and changed himself. We hung out in the room of his apartment. His roommates weren't there. We were both super tired from going out the night before and were still all chilled from the rain, so we just layed on the bed and then under the cover, semi asleep, talking a little. We fell asleep beside each other. I was so happy, it was bliss. I woke up when I felt his foot touching mine. We stayed like that for a long time. Not moving. fake sleeping. I rolled around on my side facing away from him as I was too excited and shy to face him...but he rolled on his side, in my direction. then he slowly wrapped his arm around me and buried his nose in my neck. I think my heart almost exploded then. But somehow managed to stay calm. I turned to face him and we looked at each other for a while. So close our nose touched. and we finally kissed. the longest most unbelievable kiss I have never ever experienced again in my life.

I went out with him for the next 4 years and a half. It ended badly. I told the story before... But it was the 'hottest' love I had in my life by far.

It did make me realize in the end, that I could get what I wanted. Even after all the pain in the end, I still feel that it was good afterall. I learned about me a lot. How I had become dependent emotionally on him. That's a sad part about it. And it took me a very long time to get over him. Like 2 years. But I did get over him.

This made me both want to find something as powerful in relationship, but at the same time find a balance were I could still be me, and not focus so much on how I couldn't live without 'him'.

I am still struggling with this to this day.