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Well, here I am again.

Long time. I know. There is no excuse, except the fact that I needed to be out in the world.

Yet another 'boyfriend' that didn't work out, and quickly here, another new year.

I am doing well, all in all. Lots has happen in the past months, new jobs, a stint as a woman in a relationship, A MRI that turned out just fine.

But I am still battling some old demons. Loneliness for one. Being away from my family at Christmas is hard. Yet, I don't want to be there either in a way. Trying to take myself out of relationships that aren't good for me is also hard because the alternative is being alone more. I know that there is some alternatives. I could go out into the world some more, make new, healthy friends, but there is something keeping me from doing much more than I could. And I am not sure what it is.

I got closer to a man, which was good in a lot of ways, but he had some behavior problems that I didn't want to deal with. It's like it was too hard to take.

At work, sort of same ol. I don't feel too comfortable there. I try to not feel like people are against me, but still feel it. A long learned feeling and behavior pattern that's difficult to get rid off.

But I am glad that I am trying to find what's right for me, regardless of ol patterns.

well, that's it for now

hope all is well for y'all


Recommended Comments

hey thanks Star! Happy New Year!!! And thanks for your great comment. One of my dearest friend told me a couple of days ago something that really is true, well, at least it really rings true to me:

"Better be in good company than alone; Better be alone than in bad company"

I try to make this true or myself, I know that there is a lot of anxiety attached to this but I can do it with a little help. Rebuilding a circle of healthy relationship is something that is very difficult for me, maybe for everyone, but this is what I want.

Peace to you Star, to you, to your family, friends, and well, to everyone.


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