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Meds.


amberlyn

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I hate medication. I always have. I hate feeling like I don't have a choice to poison my own body. I am terrible at taking my medication for my Bipolar. Absolutely terrible at it. And I go through the typical thoughts of NEVER wanting to take them:

If I'm manic - "I'm invincible ... I don't need meds!"

If I'm depressed - "Life isn't worth living anyway, so why start taking them now?"

If I'm stable (especially if I'm stable and haven't been on the meds) - "I'm doing fine. I don't need meds to help me."

I never wanna take them, even though I know that I'm sick. Sick people are supposed to take their medicine. Last time I took my meds on a regular basis was probably 2006. After I moved out of my parents' house, I hardly ever took the stuff. I didn't want to have to 'rely' on meds to be a normal person. That's always been my major deterrent from taking them ... I just wanna be normal without having to put drugs in my body.

I took my Seroquel last night. Of course, I slept through the night since Seroquel knocks me out for the first month or so. This morning I took my Wellbutrin. I wasn't sure if I wanted to, but my boyfriend seemed so happy last night when I took my Seroquel. It seemed as though he was ... proud of me? ... I don't know. Perhaps.

I looked this morning, and I have one refill left on my Wellbutrin. I'll be able to have enough until we move, and once we move I'm going to start seeing a psych again. I have insurance so there's no reason I shouldn't be seeing one now. [sigh] I just hate feeling like I'm incapable of controlling my own life. But a friend told me the other day that by taking my meds, I AM in control. I'm not in control whenever I let the chemical imbalance take over.

I guess I'm officially back on my meds then? Ugh. I guess it's a good thing...

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Hi amberlyn

I've been on & off meds for decades. I use to hate them. You described them just like me.

But now I have finally surrendered and I have come to realize I am in control of my life when I pop my Celexa and Topamax. And they have become my friends instead of my enemies at last. lol

And I'm finally gonna do it I'm going to stay on my meds.

Good Luck & Happy 2010

Vicki

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Hi

I don't know if this is helpful but I think we are always in control. Just different levels of control.

Good luck with the meds and I hope everything works out for you.

You mentioned that your boyfreind might be proud of you....... hey, You should be proud of you.

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