So, now that I've spent a little time blowing off steam that I've had to hold in, the question arises: why did I come to a support billboard? Besides the release of pressure already mentioned, several possibilities occur to me.
First, it could be a "manipulative mind game", to refer to a post currently on the system. I could be seeking attention, validation, agreement that my problems are really there, etc. I have heard this called "emotional vampirism". I have been scanning, perhaps too eagerly, for replies. On the other hand, perhaps my current dearth of human contact is some mitigation. (Yay! Big words!)
Second, I think I'm trying to tell myself something. I'm trying to say "You're a liar!" After all, staying married to someone you don't love is living a lie. Pretending not to mind how you're talked to, just to avoid the conflict that would undoubtedly follow, is living a lie. Letting your birth family go, in fact, actively marginalizing them in your life, again to avoid conflict, is living a lie. Continuing to go through the motions when your entire life is empty, is living a lie. And maybe I just need people to know.
Third, though it's related to the last one: I'm trying to talk myself into doing something different, because complaining about all this and then doing nothing is also a lie.