Well, on advice, I read two of the Topics on here pretty much end-to-end, the "Emotional Resilience" and "Online Self-Help" ones.
First, my congratulations on providing such a varied and deep series of articles. Dr. Phil can't match this! ;-)
The Self-Help thing did bring certain personal tendencies into focus. First, the difficulty that I find with the methodical planning described there: probably just another form of "running away". Second, the difficulty I have with maintaining emotional commitment to my plan: sometimes, I just don't seem to care. I think I need to view those as "relapses" that just happen to occur more than half the time. (And third, my tendency to list "difficulties". ;-)
One of the points repeatedly made, though, is that more basic needs have to be met before proceeding upwards. Yet, for me, emotional safety probably won't be achieved while living with the person that I am, but the resources I would need to develop in myself to leave seem to occur higher up in the pyramid. That is something that truly confuses me.
Similarly, learning-based change requires that no one else in your life is providing you with more negative reinforcement than you can provide positive. Another way to say this is that the hardest part of assertiveness, for me, is sticking to it in the face of resistance. That's where the negative reinforcement wins out over my own belief that I deserve success.
Oh well, random disorganized reactions.