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Realizing a truth about me.


Autognosy

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I just returned from shopping. Oh that's a so relaxing energy!

While shopping I happened to understand something about me that I have never realised before...

All my life, while shopping (but this may have to do with any aspect of my life as well, like behaviour) I have learned to reject any peace of clothing or accessorize that I thought is too much for me. I just automatically recognized a stylish piece and passed it away. Not that I didn't like it, I may like it a LOT, just I (wrongly) believed that this is made for a beautiful indepentand, fashinable dynamic woman, but not me.

Maybe that's the idea my parents has passed to me... I supposed to be a sweet, polite silent little lady and that was the pieces of clothing I always choosed.

I like being sweet and dress sweetly, but I realize that's not my only style! It shows a certain personality that I want to get rid of...the passive personality. But I work to become a dynamic one and that also means to stand out. I really want to stand out, I look forward to!!

At the past I didn't leave myself to do it, it's like I restricted my cloth choices and myself. And always, always had the thought in the back of my head that my parents, bro and people I know will assume I am a pank or something and laugh at me. Like their oppinion had stuck in my head and ruled me! But pank is definately not my taste, so what is my problem?

...Restriction! I'm turning 31 in a week and now I see I had to lose sooooo many of my youth years till I understand I constnatly bring bounds and prevent any trying of me to become my best self.

So it's a funny think to know...before leaving the house I had one nail (just one) painted like a zebra (just a crazy 'I like to do' I did at home last night). When I returned home, I did the rest nails that way and also I had two new pairs of earrings -printed in panther motives- in my shopping bag and If I could find any, I'd buy some more monochromes with light colours.

It's not that pank, it's stylish! I know it! I have a good taste. Ancient Greek said "Whatever you do in life, let it be medium. Not too much, not too less. That's the wise way" (free translation hehe). So a little pank detail is meant to be stylish. Like music -where it's beauty lyies in the unexpected detail. That's my opinion and I don't care what others will say.

I need to stand out cause enough is enough with my modesty! I need to be my best self, I crave to be my best self and I will bring it out no matter what!!

I love me.

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Good to know it's an age thing. I do shop like crazy lately and I started to believe I am a shopping addict or something... Maybe it's also a phace I go through as I am changing inside and out.

Kisses!

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