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Well, I did go to see my mother in the hospice, although I had to sneak over so my wife wouldn't know.

My dad was there, sitting with her. She looked worse than I had ever seen her, almost a corpse already. God, what a way to say it ...

But throughout the time I was there, I kept switching back and forth between the logical "Well, I guess it's her time, it might even be better for her to go" and me crying. Either way, it seemed to be mostly for me. There was no one there to connect to, any more.

So yeah, I'm a callous son of a ... dying mom.

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I am soooo realizing that I should have read your writings in another order. I am sorry that your mom passed this way.

You are not callous. we all experience things in a different way. Your experience is yours and it is valid for you. Only you know what moments and hours and days between you and she that preceded her death. I know nothing of the situation, per se, but I sense you feel there was something missing. And perhaps time will help you figure that out.

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