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Looks like my mother may not live very much longer, or so they tell me.

I haven't had any real contact with her or my dad for quite a while now. It's too much of a threat to my wife, who calls them both "shits" daily, in her ongoing attempt to make sure that I rely on nothing other than her. Luckily it doesn't work. :-)

It has had the effect of cutting off actual contact, however. I look at it as the only way I can shield them from her, as long as I'm still with her. I miss them, for all their imperfections, but I figure that's (part of) the price I pay for staying with her. I guess I never asked them which they preferred, however. Maybe because if they preferred to keep contact, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle that situation, so I took that option off the table.

Now I have to figure out if, and how, to go to see her. Obviously, my brother and his wife and my father are all angry at me, and god knows how my own wife would react.

Sounds like a recipe for guilt, whatever I do.

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Ya know - our nuclear families are complex. They are part of who we are and our spouses can never REALLY understand that aspect of our life experience or that part of who we are.

I am sorry that you have experience such a difficult range of emotions at such a difficult time.

Perhaps as time passes and you have opportunity to reflect on it all it will somehow make sense.

Besides, in the moment we decide what we decide and then it is we who experience the outcome of our choices.

I think for those of us who have Bipolar disorder, or similar "afflictions", these tough family situations are even more catastrophic to deal with at every level. Our life experiences are so much more extreme that "normal" people they can't really understand what it is like for us to go thru them.

I am sure you did the best you could considering all things.

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