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Self help books


Autognosy

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What I find fascinating in my present life is those help books I have and work with.

They are not a few of them. My bf says I should search it a lot and make the best choice when I am about to buy something new, cause often they say just the same things.

Well, he is right, but what's wrong with repetition? What's wrong with listening to an opinion in various ways to explain?

Besides, an excellent choice of just a few books is not enough for me. I read them like I am thirsdy, so I prefer a good choice of ...as much as I can buy -hehe! All of these new ideas getting inside me is like an apocalypsis!

You find many treasures when you read those books. So many, you sometimes wonder wether you can remember some of these.

Of course, I have always thought that what you can retrieve and what you can remember, always depends on what you are looking for at the time-what you need. So the oscar goes to...me. I need all of these stuff and I am ready to make them mine.

I read one of the best of them at the time. You could say how good book it is just opening any page and reading any random line you want. I like the way it is written. Most of all I like it's method. Everything is in order in there. It explains what's the aspect, what kind of people have this behaviour, what facts encourage that behaviour and when you are about to yell "I got it, wow! But just don't stop it here like the other books" it spents another 2 pages explaining step by step what you actually can do to stop behaving like that.

Just however I agree with everything it says and ready am I to follow them, there is something I don't agree. I suspect that I am just afraid to follow it.

It says that if you don't want to put yourself in a non-power position, one of the things you should do (if you are an adult) is never say "Mr. Smith", but "Paul", even if you talk to your boss-meaning the way you use plural and...whatever it is called. You should not do that -he says- unless he has the need to listen to his title (like "doctor" or "Mr general" etc) and unless he asks for it giving you the reason.

In Greece we use it a lot in more ways. You can't say "how are you" without choosing if you want to indicate to the other in plural or not. Even though there is a way, it is so difficult to speak avoiding showing what you mean.

And for me...that is impossible. All my life I used plural. It is something my parents had tought me and definately waiting to do. I have learned to believe it is the right way and it is so difficult for me to do otherwise, like commiting a crime. I was one of the few kids that talked to my teachers, eldest and practically everyone except people of the same age than me, that way.

I know the writer is right to say that, cause everyone is equal -and plural gets you automatically in a lower position.

But how can I possible talk to my mother in law (to be) or my boss that way? I think this is something I won't be able to do. I will become able to stand up to anybody but not this. It's like showing disrespect and I can't do that.

The worse is the fact that this is a fear. Fear of making others dislike me. And I now know that fears are the ones that will never let us do the best we can-never let us move on-they are like chains.

Speaking in plural is not a bad thing, but I believe that several times they put you in the position of the victim.

Regardless that knowledge, I am really afraid just by the thought of not showing the respect that is expected.

Though a psychiatrist said that "respect is something you can't gain as we all speak in plural to a stranger old lady on the road -who we don't know if she worths it", I totally believe that this kind of respect is something you ought to gain. In fact, it doesn't show disrespect not to talk to sb in plural. You can both talk to your kid or a stranger in plural or not and do it with the same amount of respect. It's the tone of your voice and the way you speak. But what about the "receiver's of non plural talking" opinion?

Now! That opinion of mine (that sb has to gain the respect of the others) comes with contradiction to the fact that I still can't possible think a situation where I won't talk in plural to a doctor, boss or an aged friend of my parents -for example.

What is your opinion? Is it possible to do it? (Remember, I am not too old, but I am not young either).

Do you believe that speaking to everybody...non plural is something you can succeed without making the relationship feel uncomfortable? Can you do it and still have the other feel respected? Could I ever do it at all? What is your thoughts and propositions? Whatever you want to share is welcomed.

Take care till tomorrow!

I am coming with a brand new positive thought..

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If I understand the use of the word plural (there are many differences between our languages) you mean to use the person's sir name(family name) rather than first name?

Here in Canada we almost always refer to someone by their first name...even my doctor, I call him by his first name.

Again, there are so many differences between our cultures that I am not sure how to offer the proper response to your question.

I think it is great that you are concerned with making others feel comfortable around you and addressing them in a way that is respectful.

My questions to you would be....why not address them in a way that makes YOU feel comfortable.

Amazing what you can learn from and about other poeple on this site.

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---No I don't nesessarily mean the family name when I say plural. It's the same mood, but plural the way I mean it is more like... when we say "how are you" it's like saying "how are you all" rather than "how are you one person". I know it's hard to understand...

---Of course I can address them in a way that makes me comfortable. And that's what I already do cause that's what ppl expect from me. But I was wondering wether really talking them in another way will change how much they respect me. If they can really respect me more, then what makes me comfortable is a matter that could change cause then what makes me comfortable with what I want would be in contradiction.

Never mind, forget it, I was just explaining...

But thanx for your answer!

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