A few years ago, I left my long time partner. For the best part of the last 3 years, my life has been getting a little better, day after day, but still, my very very small apartment was filled with all those things that I didn't want to deal with because, well, because I guess it hurt to much. These things represented my past life with him and how I got influenced, partially by him to keep, keep, keep. Slowly, I have been decluttering. And it made me anxious for a long time and I just couldn't bring me to give away 'too much'. But lately, I've filled boxes and boxes of stuff I don't need, clearly, as I haven't opened these boxes in about three years.

Strangely and painfully now, I have learned last friday that my ex has cancer. I cried quite a bit, and it is no small deal. He is a dear friend now and I am just not sure what to do. I am not his partner anymore, and someone else is the one who relays with the family... and friends...and me... It freaks me out too because I could have cancer I often find myself thinking in the past few days. What would I do? Loose my mind? Would there be anyone there for me? Would I pull myself together and try and rally as much people and as much resources around me, as he is doing, or would I just fall appart and be the 'deer caught in the headlights' as I have found myself doing before?

Anyway, I am thinking and trying to keep positive and take care of myself so that I can be there for him, I just keep on reminding myself that what I am doing right now is GOOD. It's not chucking randomly and angrily the stuff we had amassed together, it's healing myself, my past, getting organized, little by little and getting strong again.

There are a lot of things that need attending in my life: my taxes, my smoking addiction, my lack of exercise, my budget, my work situation or 'career', my goals that I refuse to set... and the clutter getting smaller is helping is the only thing I know right now.

"when we clean up our surroundings we clear our mental and emotional bodies as well. If you are ready to face issues and want to move through them, release them, and be able travel along life's path a little freer afterwards... clearing your living quarters can do no less than help with that."