Hi Linda,

Were here if you need to talk hun.

Im sure that you will be strong enough to go see your dr.

hope things ease a little soon

take care

Thanks well I have been up most of the night again with a little snooze on the couch.... slept a little before midnight so I am getting "some" but very little sleep....

I hope I can see him today , tomorrow might be diffeent for me.... and its hard because his office is in the private psych hospital I go to so that alone can sometimes be a problem especially now that I have anxiety /panic again....

I will keep you posted...

How are YOU????

hope all goes well hun

Let us know how it goes

Im breathing, im freaking a little right the now but thats only coz im letting me and I cant stop me

take care

sue

I know Sue, it can be hard but we just keep plugging along right????

I went to my womens trauma support group last night. I haven't seen them in 3 weeks since I turned into a turtle with my head in my shell. (Thta should be my new picture:))

They said they were worried about me, between the way I was feeling and that I kept "zoning" out on them....

And I'm suppose to see my Dr on friday but not sure I want to go. I know he supports me with my decision to try and not take meds but i just hate the conflict and feeling like he and my therapist are just waiting for me to crash enough to have to go to the hospital. I havent signed my mental health directive yet and in that says I give my husband permission to admit me when I don't want to..... It avoids commitable basically... so I am hesitant about signing with the way i feel right now

You know this is a perfect example of how my moods affect my life. I pursue things when I feel fine, then that gets short lived and I have to deal with the flip of mood and how it affects my decisons from when I was feeling good(normal)... It really sucks!!!

well hang in there and "breathe" enjoy your day.....

Hey linda, well if youre gonna change your picture to a Turtle with its head inside the shell, I reckon Im gonna change mine to a Womble, Hmmm that or a Osterich with its head burried in the sand

I know its a difficult decision about seeing your doc on fri, especially with how you are feeling at the moment. I can relate with your moods. With me it really is all or nothing, Im either all out to get the help I need and do everything Im told to do to try get better (thats when Im in a hyper good mood) its still real hard but I just suck it in and get on with things.And just laugh at myself coz of my own incompetance, coz well everything becomes funny in a ironic, sarcastic kiinda way

Then ofcourse there is the other end of the scale, the one that these days Im stuck in, and it becomes Murphies Law that I somehow survive.

oooppsss, this is your blog (sorry)

Good luck with the docs, hope that you decide to go through with it.

Take care hun

Your too funny!!! thats good...and no,it's "our" blogs

yes thats how I feel too challenging my pdoc whenver I can with new info and then the joke here between my pdoc and my therapist is that I "fire" them. Thatisi how we coined it and now I am just "turtling"....

Lucky for me I dont have them firing me!!!! actually I tried to cut all ties but they were like a bad penny, always there anyway!!!

yes we should change our pics!!!

and I just cancelled my appt tomorrow just before i read your reply!!!!

Quick, call em back, re make the appointment, your allowed to change your mind

Dont worry they are used to people cancelling last minute (or they should be ) (ive done it often enough)

Yep thats the thing with p/docs, you can cut all connections with them, (or so you think) and like a bad penny they keep turning up. in my case probably just as well.

his secretary and I are pretty close and we are meiling back and forth this morning, she really wants me to come in and I cant say to much to her because I am not safe and I just dont know what to do though.....

ok, so when you say you are not safe......

talk to us hun ~ please ?

Hi Sue

safe as in not doing anything stupid to myself.....

I have never ever been a cutter or self harm person, I just never understood it but last night I ended up slashing up my stomach.... what the hell is that all about????