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Independence Day


malign

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Well, yet another anniversary to celebrate! This time, it's been a year now since my wife had me escorted from our home by police. I wrote about it at the time, as well.

So, what's life like a year later, you ask?

Well, obviously, there are benefits. No one subjects me to long lectures about how useless I am, or humiliates me in front of the kids or outsiders. I no longer fear that someone will sell or donate my things to charity while I'm at work. I'm not afraid in my own home any more.

Unfortunately, there is lingering harm. We still own a house together, that will be difficult to dispose of. Each of the years in which we filed taxes as married will probably need an amendment, and some might need me to pay extra tax. Some of my confidence that she won't sell my things is based on the fact that she has already sold everything; some of them, things that I will have trouble replacing. I'm angry at work all the time, because the only purpose it serves is to pay our joint debts. A rewarding job is out of the question as long as my expenses are so high. My relationship to my father and brother, though mending, has been damaged; I missed the last few years of my mother's life. My view of people and how they relate to each other is warped. Though I have learned many valuable lessons about people in the past year, especially from interacting with others here on the site, the lessons from the marriage are still being unlearned.

One result of this is that I have yet to furnish my apartment. I'm going onto shorter-term leases, because I don't really know when this will all end. I feel like I'm suspended by wires, overlooking my life, waiting to be allowed to participate.

Paul Simon was pretty pessimistic, when he was in a similar situation:

"Well, this will eat up another year of my life/

And then there's all of that weight to be lost."

"I don't find this stuff amusing any more ..."

I'm not that bad; I can recognize that what he's talking about is only part of the story. Let's just say, I'm just ready for the next phase, so could it please hurry? ;-)

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I can see how this would upset me as well Malign!

Sometimes we need to hear and sum up the hurt, we need to acknowledge and feel in order to let it go and move on. [tell me something I don't know he says ;)]

I like the title of Independence day! Being called names is never useful wehter by ourselves or by others. So I am glad that at least, this is done with.

You are in my thoughts, for finding peace about the past, and solutions for the future.

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