Just my notes again.

As I was mentioning, My BMI is now not healthy for my height. So, now is a time a good as ever to go back to the original [physical] me. little by little.

As soon as I had started my destructive 'phase' about 5 years ago, another part of me was growing. The one that wanted to be healthy, mentally and physically. There's been ups and downs, but the healthy dude in me has gotten stronger and has gained a lot of tricks from observing the destructive dude.

There's a lot of things I have made peace with. Forgave myself about. Accepted. Which enables me to fine tune.

Yes, I still suffer from general anxiety and dysthemia. I don't think it'll ever go away per se, but I've learned to control these things... with relaxation, consciousness, etc....

I've been through some pretty rock and roll times the past 3 years [for me anyway], and it keeps on coming. Left a good job cus of burnt out reasons and unhealthy work environment, separated from a partner, lost another job -economic down turn, broke a shoulder, felt really lonely because house bound, lost another job - because of broken shoulder, got into lots of debts because of broken shoulder and no insurance because no job - that I am now paying off, Dated guys who weren't really good for me, learned my ex-partner, now good friend is dying of cancer.

But where I am persuaded I would have completely fell apart before I started my reconstructive work, now I am able to seek help when it gets too overwhelming, and feel my feelings, and make plans. Sweet.

so, I am aware that taking too many things on at the same time may not be best practice for success. But I am also aware that if I let myself completely fly off the [love] handles with the food and get any fatter, my quit will suffer as well. so I am starting a new plan in conjunction with my quit.

and here goes research again:

1. Accept your struggle for the disease it is. You are not alone. 65% of Americans are caught in the battle along with you.

2. Don't go it alone. Organize your own Dream Team to dissect your eating habits. Seek out the help of friends, nutritionist, therapist and fitness trainer you can find. educate yourself.

3. Introduce 30 or 60 minute walks into your daily routine. Remember: your body was meant to move! Take a cell phone or walkman.

4. Just because you have a craving doesn't mean you have to act on it! Before you eat something unhealthy, fast forward the tape in your life. What has this type of eating done to negatively effect your life?

5. Make a list of the "pros" to being able to eat whatever you want. Then, make a list of "cons." The answers will astound you. In a nutshell, it's not worth it!

6. Focus on the big picture - which is health. Remember that the ultimate goal is health.

7. Try to eat for your body instead of your taste buds. Ask yourself when eating what your body gets from what you are consuming. The answer may surprise you. Realize that the American diet is NOT normal and IS contradictory to achieving health. Long before you were born, society began to expect a certain style of eating… most of which is wrong for what the human body needs.

8. Remember that food is fuel -not love. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!

9. Defeat the all or nothing syndrome (better known as the "Monday Morning Dieter syndrome). Start today with a "way-of-life plan."

10. Remember that time is a tool. Healthy foods eventually taste like a treat and do not feel like denial.

11. Once you've achieved a certain degree of health, switch up your exercise routines. Add weight training, swimming, tennis and other sports to keep it fresh and interesting. Remember: "Hurts So Good" is not just a John Cougar Mellencamp tune!

12. Consume only the portion sizes of food that your body requires - not what society considers to be "normal" portions.

13. Continue to self analyze. By dissecting patterns that are unhealthy, you can actually push your inner button to keep you on a healthy path.