Hi Andrew, I can feel your pain from reading your posts! What has happened to you in your past is unforgivable but allowing it to take control of you is just allowing the person who hurt you to have a certain control of you... Dont let that happen! You are not at fault!
I can understand that you are desperate to find a girl just to feel wanted again, but I fear this just a quick fix to a much larger problem.
My advise would be to find friends first that you can have an open conversation with before looking for "love". I really feel the best way to enter into a relationship would be for you to feel good about yourself first.
i really hope this helps you in someway!!
Dont give up just yet!