Lost

[Parker]

I am a 20 year old male and recently new here, came across this forum by reading an article. I have finally decided to expose my problems, perhaps calling for help and advice to solve my issues.

The problem is not only depression, but a large number of problems. A lot of these fall under several categories here in this forum, but I think its best to group them all into one, single post.

I haven't been depressed all my life, but I have always been shy when I was a child. I won't deny that cutting myself or even suicide had entered my thoughts, although I never did take a chance. It was probably when I was entering high school when it starts to take its toll. At that time several mental problems have appeared, such as stuttering and unable to complete proper sentences. Because of this I have become more isolated from the rest of the world, fearing others would notice. I remember the day in class when I said something stupid, mixing words. I was surprised, and began to notice becoming stronger as the years go by.

Another problem that might relate to the previous is ADD or ADHD. I never had it diagnosed, but by looking at symptoms, it was clear I have it. I remember getting it tested when I was a child, and lying on the test, fearing for this condition as a "deadly disease". My mind is like flipping through channels on a television, never on one station for a period of time, and always random. Also if I have a great idea, I would attempt to tackle it, but always put it aside for something "better". I am a gamer, and games are my passion, and one day I hope to join the ranks of a successful developer and work with a team. I practiced this before, getting great ideas, but then throw it away in the middle of a project for something else.

Another of my problems is my physical condition. I am overweight, about 250 lbs, but I am quite tall, so I more of a giant than a beach ball. I tried many times to eat healthy and exercise, but never did stick with it. I mentioned coming across these forums by a certain article, and its this one:

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=24026&cn=1

I do have a small penis, and because it isn't average, I am constantly worried about it and my looks. This article explains most if not all of these problems, so my condition is probably explained by this one factor.

As you can see, I am not of the right mind. Because of so many problems I have listed (and several more I haven't), I do truly feel lost, and I now feel its time to let others know about it, a cry for help.

Any advice or comments would be appreciated.

[finding my way]

Welcome Parker!

One of the big things I’ve learned coming to this site is that there are huge parts of ourselves that we can only come to know within the context of relationships to other people. That presents a problem if the relationships we’ve been in have been negative, or if we’ve become cut off and don’t really have positive people available to us. The issues that are causing you so much pain are made so much worse by the fact that you are so alone. How can you truly believe, for example, that the size of your penis is not such a big deal, if you aren’t in any relationships that prove that such a thing isn’t a big deal? The same goes for any of the negative issues looping in your head.

So, you are welcome to join us here and respond to people in their issues and continue posting the things that bother you for your issues, basicly as practice in socializing. Sometimes you have to wait a while for a response, but you are definitely not alone in your suffering. Can you find things to relate to in the anxiety discussions? Many of us are searching to find peace from our negative thoughts.