Hypospadias

[Justa]

I am a 44 year old guy. I am also a sufferer of what i believe is hypospadias. I do not know for sure as I have never been spoken to about it nor do I wish to but by the looks of things and from childhood memories of doctors visits I am 99% sure. Its not only got the deformed urethra opening just under where the opening should be but It'/ also small, 3.75- 4  inches erect. Needless to say I am a virgin, have not even asked a girl on a date before because of embaressment, self shame and intense fear of  " the first reveal" .    I have let it ruin my life. I am a living comedy movie. 40yearoldvirgin....I can not remember a time when I was actually happy.  I will be 45 this spring, I have no family, no real friends, no job , no education. I quite literally spent 15 years living by myself ,never leaving my house except for doctor visits etc.  I hate interacting with people,  I deliberately gained weight so I  would be 100% safe from attracting women when I was in high school. I got to 560 lbs a couple years ago.  I am 5 foot 6. ..  i dont live, i just exist. I am miserable and lonely most days.  I used to enjoy fishing, camping etc but I have no desire to do any of that stuff any longer. 

I decided to attempt regaining my life a couple years ago and joined a bariatric surgery program.   I dropped from 560 lbs to 424 lbs on my own to qualify for surgery.  I had the surgery 6 months ago and have dropped another 100 lbs. since then   today i sit at 324 lbs and expect to loose another 150 lbs over 12 months.   I have a lot of saggy skin, makes me kinda happy though. , I am still grotesque. 

The problem is I am becoming more and more depressed and lonely. Some days I think to myself at the end of all this work ill find someone etc etc..then reality hits.. I would never subject a gal to what I have to offer, it wouldnt be fair to her,  a woman needs a man, not me. why am I even bothering with this pain and suffering of weight loss when it is pointless anyway. I am just going to be skinny, depressed and lonely. .  Oh soo many times I wish I was never born.  The universe is definately punishing me for something. I wish I knew what. ...I feel guilty because I get jealous when I see people I know with their wives and kids, or all the facebook memes about sex.  Ohhh I loved the recent donald trump small dick jokes. Just awesome...  why is life so cruel? I would never try to end things so I really dont know what I am going to do. The way I see it, i am 44 now... ill be 46 by the time my weight loss has stopped, 47-48 get skin surgery, 6 months to recover from that.. just in time to move into a retirement home.   Yup i effed up my entire life and will die a virgin and alone all because of my dick and my fears surrounding it.   I gotta figure out how to live with this, soon. 

 

 

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the community, Justa.

I'm sorry things have been so difficult for you in your life and that you are in so much pain. It sounds as though you've been working hard to lose weight and you have made excellent progress. I hope that you are able to feel something positive about this. Looking too far ahead can make some goals or wishes seem unachievable, I think, but one step forward does count and also brings those goals closer. Do you have any support at home? Have you ever spoken with a professional about your struggles? Depression can make things seem very bleak.  I wish I had more to say and offer that could be helpful to you. I want you to know that I read your message and your feelings were heard.

I hope today brings you moments of light.

[u.r.what.u.is]

Justa, you've got a raw deal,  man.   I'm impressed to hear that you're trudging on as best you can.   More power to you.   

[Obsolete]

Justa guy. I don't have any words of wisdom. Honestly, don't know what you are going through and after what I've just read, I don't know where you find the strength to keep going. Perhaps try enjoying the small stuff. Make a big deal out of the small things life has to offer. Got a smile from a cute girl? Right on?. Made someone laugh today? Excellent?. Had a decent chat with a stranger? Awesome?. Why not? What you got to lose? 

 

You lost a ton of weight bro. That's freaking awesome. Celebrate. Even if it's by yourself who gives a rats ass. Create your own memorable moments. Take the necessary steps to get to get to that place.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

[YOTH]

Great news on the weight loss, keep going and weigh up your options (penis wise) when you reach your goal. Just remember, you're losing weight to become healthier, not to meet a woman. You won't even be 50 when you're finished by the sounds of it, plenty of time to live life. Let me ask you a question. What do you think it's for? Everything you've been through, every struggle, every angry and jealous reaction. Every lonely night, every depressing thought. What was it all for? Because it's not nothing. It was for a reason, but only you can answer that question. I know we've never met, and this might seem like a strange thing to say, but I love you. The world might seemingly reject you and you may seemingly reject yourself, but I care about what you're going through. I find it easy to love everyone going through this nightmare, not only because I'm going through it too, but also because we need to know there are brother's out there going through it too. Regardless of severity and dick measuring, we're all suffering and we deserve love and compassion (not to be mistake with its smug brother Pity) lol. The mind can be cruel sometimes and cause real pain that cuts deep. But there are two voices at all times. You know that, because the right mind is helping you to lose weight and come back stronger. The wrong mind always speaks first and is ALWAYS wrong. So every time you have a shitty moment of self doubt or a crippling realisation, just wait, and give the right mind a chance to talk. It takes its time but it's ALWAYS right. I believe in you, man. Your post cheered me up, it's nice to see someone genuinely trying to get back on level pegging. You've got my respect and admiration. Take it easy, brother. ☮

[Obsolete]

5 hours ago, YahwehOrTheHighway said:

Great news on the weight loss, keep going and weigh up your options (penis wise) when you reach your goal. Just remember, you're losing weight to become healthier, not to meet a woman. You won't even be 50 when you're finished by the sounds of it, plenty of time to live life. Let me ask you a question. What do you think it's for? Everything you've been through, every struggle, every angry and jealous reaction. Every lonely night, every depressing thought. What was it all for? Because it's not nothing. It was for a reason, but only you can answer that question. I know we've never met, and this might seem like a strange thing to say, but I love you. The world might seemingly reject you and you may seemingly reject yourself, but I care about what you're going through. I find it easy to love everyone going through this nightmare, not only because I'm going through it too, but also because we need to know there are brother's out there going through it too. Regardless of severity and dick measuring, we're all suffering and we deserve love and compassion (not to be mistake with its smug brother Pity) lol. The mind can be cruel sometimes and cause real pain that cuts deep. But there are two voices at all times. You know that, because the right mind is helping you to lose weight and come back stronger. The wrong mind always speaks first and is ALWAYS wrong. So every time you have a shitty moment of self doubt or a crippling realisation, just wait, and give the right mind a chance to talk. It takes its time but it's ALWAYS right. I believe in you, man. Your post cheered me up, it's nice to see someone genuinely trying to get back on level pegging. You've got my respect and admiration. Take it easy, brother. ☮

Man, you always have the nicest things to say.?