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pardal
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I'm a 33 year old European female, living in spain. I face depression for several years. When i feel better i drop medication and some months after i face it all over again. January is my birth month and is very dificult for me because i feel my existence is very patetic and time is passing by me. I realy need to talk to someone...

I’m quit successful in my profession. I’m perfectionist I never take a risk on something I don’t dominate. I never admit not knowing something…It’s very difficult for me to establish a relationship with others. I have no social skills. I’ve never had a intimate relationship with a men. All this makes me feel “out” and very lonely. I’m always very sad but I’m not able to admit that to anyone I know. I hate the idea of people knowing how sad my live is.

I’m soo confused but I don’t want to come back to medication.

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Sorry for my bad English. It’s not easy for me to translate my feelings in a language that I don’t dominate.

As time goes by have more difficulty to go out and do things alone – like travel, or going to the cinema, or theatre. I love those things but when I go out I just see people around me with company and I’m alone. I don’t enjoy things I just fell distressed and lonely.

My head is like having 100 thoughts at the same time and I’m not able to focus in anything. I have the feeling I would be better if I just could sleep for a long time.

I know I should go out, try to meet people, do things that I enjoy, but I can't, you know? I'm not capable of...

I just work. A lot.

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I tried therapy some years ago. It was a dificult step and the result was bad. I hated it. I felt judged by her. After about 5 sessions i quited. I must admite I have been thinking about try again but I just need to find a therapist I could trust.

I know I need help.

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I didn't like my first therapist (a counselor, really) either. :) My second one saved my life. My third one, terrible. Fourth was OK. Fifth, terrible. Sixth, stellar! (I might have forgotten a couple). If you're lucky your life will be long and you'll be rich with therapy tales. (This is probably the only site that would appreciate that kind of a boast ;)) Anyway, sometimes we really need a person to sit and talk with to get us back on track with making friends with ourselves and others.

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