he was never there.....

[roiisgurl]

well for a very long time i did not know where that man that took part in creatin me was. he was never there for me threw out my whole life. as a kid i remember him beatin my mom n i have heard one too many stories about him. he was always n to sellin drugs n when i was 3/4 yrs old is when our house got raided n he went in. that was very hard for my mom to deal with which n my opinion that was d best thing that could of happend at d time.that meant that he would no longer hit my mom n his gurlfriend that he had there livin with us n that put a smile on my face. that smile did not last for long... a lil after he went in to jail we stayed homeless:(:mad: my mom paid off d trailer home that we lived n thinkin it was herz but the fucked up part was that it was never even under her name it was under my so called "uncle" so with that in mind he left us with out a place to live he took my 3brothers my sis n my mom n of course me out of there n we stayed homeless:mad: that is just a lil part of it but to make the story short now after so long he wants to talk to us. i have to admit i was so pissed n .....idk so many mixed feeling i just started to cry when i heard that he wanted to talk to me n my 2brothers. i was sooo n i mean sooo pissed i was even shakein....wtf! i mean y after so long does he want to c us? he was never there when i needed a father n now when i dont need shit from him he wants us n his life. he says that he realized that he was a bad father when he was n prison,well let me tell u that part he indeed just got out of prison he was n there for drugs of course he did 11yrz which is no fuckin excuse y he never looked for us he could of at least wrote a fuckin letter,he has a shit load of family i mean they could of looked for us n asked 4 our address but of course he would of had to care n order to do that. wut i want to know is am i wrong for wantin to talk to him to tell him all that shit that i think about him n how i hate him n how i dont n have never considerd him a father? what should i do? should i talk to him n tell him or should i not talk to him at all? what would u do...plz i need some advise

Edited January 19, 2009 by roiisgurl

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Roiisgurl,

Your anger at your absent and criminal father is very understandable. Not wanting to see him because you would be satisfying his needs is also understandable.

However, what about Your Needs? You were so very young when he went to prison that, I am guessing, you must have some curiosity about him and what he is like. He was not your father in raising you but he is your biological father. Are you not curious.

What do others think??

Allan

[roiisgurl]

to begin with thanx for ur reply. well to be honest with u i dont know wut to think or do. i mean i have heard too many negative things about him that i dont know if i want to ever c him again. well like i said he went in when i was 3/4 but came back out i saw him once when i was 7yrz old then again when i was 12. i remember like it was yesterday when i saw him :mad: we passed each other at a fle-market i walked right by him n he had no clue that i was his daughter he was with another lady n some kids. i got scared that day i dont know y n again i cried. i guess for one it pissed me off that i walked right by him n he had no clue that i was his daughter. wtf is that? so i guess the only reason i want to talk to him is to tell him how much he hurt my family n i with his absence. i mean if only he had been there i would not of gone threw so much as a child such as gettin abused by my step- father. it is just so confusein cuz my sis says not to talk to him n my older brother says yes(he is not their father) i kinda of understand my sis considerin the fact that she went threw similar abuse as i did but not with my step-father but with herz(which is my so called"dad") wut should i do????????plz i need so advise

[kaudio]

I think Allan's question about your needs is an important one. If you need to confront the past by way of giving notice to your father of the consequences of his judgement all those years ago, then write him a letter. Try to keep the correspondence with him in written format to give you time to express yourself completely. This man can wait as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable with your response – if you want to respond.

Your father was a non-participant for your family, and I can appreciate how raw some of your feelings may be concerning him. However, as Allan already mentioned, if you decide to reach out to your father, you can also cover the gap you missed of his life over all these years. You can ask that he take account of the years he spent after he decided to leave your family.

Certainly, communicating with your father will not change the hardships your family suffered. But, in doing so, this may be the closest you can get in terms of justice.

[roiisgurl]

well first of all i want to thank u for ur reply ur words mean alot to me.

i am just so confused right now a part of me wants to talk to him n tell him how much he has hurt me n my family. the other part of me just wants to ignore d fact that he wants to talk to me n live my life like if nothin happend.

all i know is that if i do talk to him it will be n person cuz i want to c his reaction once i tell him all i had to go threw just cuz he was never there. i mean he sayz that he wants to help us out like that we wont have to ever ask ne one for nething. i would of much rather had him n our lives than have all the money of the world. to top it off the money that he wants to help us with is drug money well that is besides the point i just think that...hhhmmm its a lil to late to just want to fix things. i no longer need him to show me right from wrong i now longer need him to show me how to ride a bike. i dont need him to take me to skool or to protect me from danger i dont need him period. my brother already talked to him n that pissed me off like u wouldnt imagine n wut got to me even more was when he told me that he agreed to everything he said like how he wants to be n his life n help him out i mean that just got to me bad:mad: he says that he only agreed cuz he was on roche pills. i just dont understand him well he must have his reasons i guess.

well i just talked to my brother right now n he said that he talked to him again n that he made up his mind n he is gonna give him another chance...wtf? man i swear that pissed me off then he said that i should just give him another chance man that just pissed me the fuck off n i told him that i had to go. after that i just cried of how angry i was:mad:

[roiisgurl]

right now i am so pissed off at all my family. they have all talked to him but me i feel betrayed n a way. i just thought that we had all made up our mind n leavein him out of our lifez but i guess n this situation there is no "WE". i am just so confused n mad at the same time i dont know if i should talk to them about how i feel or just ignore.......plz help.

[finding my way]

It is so hard to be left standing alone! It must feel like the pain of all this is never going to end. You can be proud that you are the one sticking to your guns and following what you need to do. The lure of money is not enough to make being in contact with him worthwhile, and you have stood your ground. I'm so sorry you had to lose your support network in the process! Can you do something nice for yourself right now, to cool down and get your you back? Dwelling on this stuff without taking a break will take you right down!!