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marriage in danger


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my husband is an alcoholic and abuses ritilin, after 31 years together, i cant take it anymore, i do love him , what can i do, he says he is not going to stop. His dr. diagnosed him with ADHD, he is 48. I faxed his dr. a letter stating how much he is abusing the ritilin because they him high, and he gave him more, couldn't he have giving medication that is not addicting? Please somebody give me some advise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited by birdwi68
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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Birdwi68 and welcome to our community,

Yes, I am happy to provide some advice but I hope that other members will join into the discussion.

1. There is really no point to a man of your husband's age to be taking Ritalin. Actually, if he wants to help is ADHD he should be in behavior modification therapy with a psychologist who does that work with adult adhd.

But, you are not the doctor, the doctor will not listen to you and your husband will not.

2. Where does this leave you? Your husband flatly states that he will not stop abusing alcohol and ritalin. It seems to me, (and I have worked with many women and couples like you, over my years as a therapist), that the only choice you have is to go for separation and divorce.

Think of it this way: Your husband has another woman and her name is "Alcohol." This woman, known by her chemical name, ETOH, is very sexy and much more so than you. That is all he cares about. He would give up his life for ETOH. So, it is up to you to save your own life.

I have found over the years that some people will try to change when faced with the choice: "Me or the Drugs and Alcohol." But, for the sake of honesty, most people try for a week or so and resume abusing substances with the result that separation and divorce occur.

I know this is not easy but it is a must if you are planning to live a happy life.

I would also urge you to start attending Alanon meetings. Those are for the family and loved ones of alcholol abusers. It is a support group and it will help you learn about the importance of caring for yourself.


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