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Advice, a helping hand, well hell, i need something


zeke_88
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Advice, a helping hand, well hell, i need something

a brief introduction,

20 year old single male, marine, just lost my 4 year college scholarship on a heroine bust, but somehow im avoiding jail time on an original A felony that will eventually be an A misdemeanor.

People tell me how lucky i am, how grateful i should be, in so many different instances, when the lawyer told me about the no jail time plea agreement i couldn't even crack a smile or feel the slightest bit relieved.

still have plans on going to the French foreign legion (that means a bright future to me, a plan to get away from everything) . I have 2 great friends, one an ex girlfriend and a friend from elementry, both have been there for 10 years of my life. A very supportive family, a wonderful family.

I would consider my self physically appealing, and yet the only thing i can get is one night stands, people tell me how much respect they have, and at the same time i cant seem to connect with anyone new, i can't build any new relationships even when so many have wanted to, and i still feel so alone.

The point of all this, after i just sold myself, is to wonder why after all of this i find myself completely despising my instinct of self preservation.

Is it possible to be suicidal without ever planning on doing it?

Why should one who views highly of himself as an individual feel so useless and utterly hopeless, and is it possible to shake such a horrid feeling that is seemingly coming out of nowhere?

or better yet, and what im really looking for, would someone just please relate.

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Hi Zeki_88 and welcome to our community.

The point of all this, after i just sold myself, is to wonder why after all of this i find myself completely despising my instinct of self preservation.

Is it possible to be suicidal without ever planning on doing it?

I think you feel like this now because of past events, at losing your Four year Scholarship? Four years is a long time! Whatever possessed you to get involved with Heroin! That is what you mean isn't it? The Drug Heroin? Smack!

Nah! I must be on the wrong subject here? I will answer further when you have confirmed what you mean? I don't want to make a dick of myself!

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Zeke_88,

Welcome to our community. You sound depressed and that is understandable if you have lost your scholarship. Can you tell us more about yourself? Did you serve in Iraq or Afgh? How did you get involved with Heroin and are you addicted? How were things when you were growing up? If you could fill in more stuff about you it would help all of us to help you.

Allan:)

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Hi Zeke_88

I thought you meant that?

How did you get involved with Heroin? I know it isn't hard with a job like you've got?

I know too well about Heroin and its consequences. I grew up with it. Not me, I wouldn't touch the stuff after what I've seen! My brother is addicted to it. Has been for the past 30 or so years. I remember when I was young and sometimes I used to hang about with my brother & his mates. Not because I wanted too or he wanted me too, but because he had to watch me while our parents worked if we were on the school holidays.

I used to sit there watching him and his mates get everything ready. They used to tie a shoelace around the top of their arm, then they used to burn the Heroin on a spoon to liquify it, then then used to draw it up in a syringe. It could take some time before they could inject due to most of the veins being collapsed already.

After they had their shot, they would sit there and not be able to keep their eyes open. I couldn't see the logic in it! They would be like that for a considerable amount of time, then all of a sudden they would wake up and wouldn't be able to talk without slurring their words, as if they were pissed? That would go on for a bit then they would be falling asleep again, and it would be the same procedure again?

His girlfriend who he has been with since starting on this drug, has overdosed on it quiet a few times and even ended up on a life support x2. She was in ICU For months afterwards and behold me, no sooner she started getting better, then she was allowed home and did it again. Straight back in the hospital she went. She hasn't done it for a few years now. I don't think she has, I don't see any of them now and haven't done for about Five years.

The hardest part was when she got pregnant. She gave birth to my nephew, it was a sorrowful state. Have you ever seen a baby that has just been born and addicted to Heroin, through no fault of their own? Well I have and believe me, it is not a pretty site. They are born crying, and their cry is so high pitched. They have to be weaned of Heroin by giving them Methadone every hour or so because of the stomach cramps etc that they suffer with, because of the withdrawal symptoms!

The strangest thing is that she were allowed to keep the baby. He is 17yrs old now, and still living with them, and yes they are still on Heroin!

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