Recently Diagonosed with schizotypal personality disorder

[mykdiddy]

Hi all

Firstly, I'm grateful for an on-line community where I can discuss with others familiar with whats going on with me about schizotypal disorder. Its nice to know I'm not alone. I guess what my major problem with whats going on with me is understanding what exactly is going on with me.

Ive been told to check out web MD as well as other on-line resources. Which I have. The thing is, I would really like to hear from those of you who have been living with schizotypal for years or are recently diagnosed with schizotypal as well.

I'm also frightened that this could turn into a full blown psychotic break. I'm rather fond of my mind and would hate to loose it. Something I'm sure we can all relate to. Any way, please feel free to share with me any experiences, first hand treatments, or any info you all may have on what we have in common together. Or any counseling info that might be useful

Thank you

Mykdiddy

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Mykdiddy,

Welcome to our community.

You know, there is more to a person than just a diagnosis. What I mean is, what can you tell us about who you are: married, single, children or not, working or not, childhood, parents, etc. You do not need to go into detail but just a little "stuff" so we can know a little about you just to help us understand.

By the way, my understanding, as a long time psychotherapist, is that Schizotypal disorder is a Personality Disorder and not a full-blown psychosis. That means that its very different from having schizophrenia.

How does the schizotypal disorder interfere with your life?

Allan

[mykdiddy]

I'm in my early twenties, and I work in the arts. I also have a part time job at a restaurant. I spend a lot of time alone and have like maybe two to three friends. I would have more, but I tend to push people away.

I can't shake the feeling that everyone is judging me and looking down upon me. Like all the time. This mainly happens in social settings. Out with my girlfriend's friends or with my one "sort of" friend. It also effects me when I'm out alone running errands, on the bus, on the train, or just at the store.

I tend to drink a bit and smoke pot a bit. Just so I can chill out. I feel tremendous pressure in my field (the arts) to socialize with folks and promote my work or shows. Its a necessity. I hate it. I don't know how to talk to people or deal with social settings.

I just feel like everyone I talk to is judging me. Thinking I'm insignificant or stupid. Even people who see me walking by. I feel like I can sense the hate radiating from them. Like they think "look at this asshole walking by". Excuse my language.

I want nothing more then to just have a friend that I can hang with and talk to. I have my girlfriend and shes amazing towards me. She puts up with so much of my BS. I also seek counseling from a psychiatrist. But all of that is nothing compared to having a "solid bro".

I'm functional because I try to just disconnect. To "act" like what a person is supposed to do in these situations. Deep down, I'm cringing and feeling terrible. It all makes me want to get a lobotomy and be done with it. Just so I can function. I hope this was helpful.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Mykdiddy,

Yes, it does help.

Has it occurred to you that your suspicions that other people will hate you and judge you are really your thoughts about yourself?

More questions: please tell me if this is OK and if it is not, I will hold back from all the questions:

1. Are you in psychotherapy?

2. Do you take any medications for this?

3. Do you have brothers, sisters, what are your parents like

4. Boyfriends?

5. Most important of all, why do you dislike yourself so much?????????

Hey, you other guys out there, what do you think???

[flipperr]

I have been seeing a psychologist for 4 months and I started seeing him because I had a psychotic break and had no idea why. I got on Celexa right away and it helped me to go outside of my house and my mood wasn't changing so much. But then I was numb for months.

I am also an artist and I started painting when I was in the psychotic break. It was the only thing I could do sometimes and at other times, it was the only thing I wanted to do. I just had no desire to be around anyone and I couldn't manage to even clean my house most of the time. Some days even speaking was too difficult for me.

I'm on Celexa and Wellbutrin now and I feel rather good. My energy level is better, I can feel again, and I am able to drive and do a normal amount of things in a day. I can clean my house and then keep doing things.

I don't know where this schizotypal disorder is going to take me. I need to promote my artwork too but I don't know how. I also don't know how to talk to people. I just don't have the words. I think that's why I paint. It's much easier to speak that way.

[Symora]

Hi Flipperr, glad to have you with us.

I think a lot of people who are wonderful at something, like art, or computer, or writing, are not necessarily good with marketing and sales. They don't necessarily go together, so you should not be hard on yourself for that ... That's why it's not easy be get known as an artist, and I agree that there is a whole element of being out there so people can see you. Sometimes it's a matter of getting a few select friends who are more social and they do some of the work for us

I'm still not clear on what schizotypal means? Can you tell us a little more about it?

[JaneE]

Hi Mykdiddy and Flipperr!

I have Avoidant Personality Disorder, which is pretty similar to schizotypal. Be sure to check out the Personality Disorder section here, poke around a bit, because the titles don't always tell you what the point of the post is sometimes. ^_~

I'm a professional artist, too... but luckily have been able to present myself and my work online, where I can type my words and not have to interact face-to-face with people. Online I can deal with them on my own terms and I can't lose my train of thought. If I go off on some weird tangent I can delete it and they'll never see it, haha. >_<

I think my AvPD comes out of other problems I had and my family had when I was young. Do you guys have any similar ideas about your lives?

Personally I think it's the REST of the world that's screwed up, not me, but I suppose that's the essence of a personality disorder, eh? Oh well.

I wanted to welcome you both to the forum, however lamely, haha, tell us more about yourselves! :-)

Jane

Edited May 11, 2010 by JaneE

[flipperr]

IN THE PAST: I had a lot of pain when I was young. My dad was pretty nuts and abusive. I was quiet. A few of my siblings took their pain out on me calling me names. I was kind of the family scapegoat. My mother was not available emotionally because she was busy trying to fight off my dad's verbal and emotional abuse. I started to get bad grades and lose friends in 5th grade. My grades and social skills declined pretty steadily from there. In high school I had no friends and I was ashamed of that so I started to drink a lot and use drugs because I thought they would make me fun. Well they made me less stable and I started to fight back against my family. My mom tried to not let me go out, but I wasn't having it. I lied a lot, sneaked out at night, sneaked guys into my room at night, had a million different hiding places for drugs in my room and stopped going to school halfway through sophomore year in high school.

I finally made a friend right before I stopped going to school. We started out just sitting around together, talking, listening to music. We started to do drugs soon and we were drug buddies but also best friends. Soon we couldn't stand to see each other doing nasty drugs and so we both quit. That was years ago. We are married now. Our relationship has been really rocky because I have "fallen out of love" with him a few times and broke it off out of nowhere. I was really just depressed and overcome with anxiety though.

BREAKING POINT: I never knew I had a real, defined "disorder". I knew there was something wrong but I just thought I was a weird person. Last winter I had a psychotic break. It was a couple months after my wedding. I don't know why it happened but I didn't full recover for about 5 months. I got on 2 antidepressants and found out I have major depression and schizotypal disorder.

RECOVERY: The depression is being treated really successfully. I am comforted to know that I have something of a malformation in my brain that makes me weird. I don't feel ashamed anymore. I am still paranoid in social situations. I feel comfortable with my husband but I still think that a lot of people look at me like I'm a freak when we are out and I do have a hard time talking in a way that doesn't make people look at me weird. I can't believe it but I got a part time job. My first day was yesterday. It went really well. I am hoping it stays that way. I'm trying to assure myself that it is okay if people at work think I am odd. It's not that people thinking I'm odd hurts me, it's the worrying about whether they do that hurts me. So I have to just not pay attention to those thoughts.

PRESENT: I have thoughts that I have to train myself to disregard. I have been paranoid about getting kidnapped, the government springing into marshall law and conducting genocide, that people are talking about me, that the world is going to end any day, etc. But I take those thoughts and I separate them from ones that are relevant to right now and I try to just brush off the paranoid ones and focus on the relevant ones, like taking my medicine on time, eating 3 meals a day, and looking professional at work, etc.

As far as being odd, I'm working on accepting that as me and not thinking of it as a flaw. I think carefully before I speak to someone I don't want to scare off. I try to match my clothes more even if I think they look more interesting when they don't match very well. And I just try to focus on being healthy, kind, responsible, and patient with myself and others.

I really don't think I could have gotten to such a good place with this disorder if I wasn't on 2 antidepressants. I tried to cope for so many years without medication. I am grateful that I had a psychotic break because then I had to get help. I should have gotten help sooner. I also definitely need to keep using talk therapy. The two together just smooth it all out a lot for me.

I'm not just different. There is something wrong with the way my brain is formed. I have a handicap and I need help to survive in this world with it. I am so glad I know that now.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Flipperr,

Everyone is "wierd" and so what? What is most important is that you have your depression under control and that you are aware of your paranoid thoughts. I just wonder if you are in psychotherapy to help you control those paranoid thinking. Just remind yourself, "Those thoughts are not real."

Celebrate yourself and stop thinking of yourself as having a "sick brain." You are a human being just like all of us.

Are you in psychotherapy?

Allan:)