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confused sexuality pushing suicide thoughts


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Hi, let me start by saying that im mentally stable and never been elsewise, Im 19 and have been "Bi" for almost 4 years, but I only had sexual attraction towards men but never emotionally, I cant even imagine myself kissing another man, but other sexual acts turns me on easily, I had a gf and Im Emotionally and Sexually attracted towards women, lately I have been feeling VERY guilty about my sexual attraction towards men, I tried to meet other men when I was over 18 for 3 times, as soon as I meet in person and see him I get completely turned off and feel so horrible and end up not doing anything and just having a drink, with a girl its very normal and I like it and never felt guilty about it, I like to Sext with men but not with Women, I never watch gay porn and I never like it. whenever I get gay thoughts I feel like I just want to slip into a coma to stop it or end it all, it hurts my head and pushes tears out of my eyes, I just want to have a normal hetro life, Im afraid that this will effect me in the future, that I wont be faithful towards my wife or gf, is being lonely most of the time would cause this? I draw for living so I spent a lot of time alone. If I can choose I would choose to be fully straight, I would choose women over men everytime, yet I like to sext and phone sex with men, please help.

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Mmm, I think if you're suicidal, the best help would be from a professional.  "Mentally stable" isn't the issue; the issue is safety.  You can't fix anything if you're dead.

That said, there is a difference between sexual attraction and sexual identity.  Just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to do something with that person.  You mentioned being afraid you would cheat.  But how is that more likely for you than for a guy who is only attracted to women?  After marriage, there are still plenty of attractive women out there.  What keeps a guy from cheating is that he doesn't want to cheat.

The biggest conflict for you seems to be that you "like to sext ... with men", but at the same time, you "just want to have a normal hetro life".  No one other than you can decide how to reconcile those two things, because they're both wants that you have.

If you said, for instance, that you were attracted to men but didn't want to do anything, that would be easy.  Or, if you decided to have sex with women and continue to interact with men online, as long as everyone involved was okay with that, where's the harm?

But if these urges are getting you into trouble with your own feelings or beliefs, I think you would benefit from seeking help from a counselor who could work through these issues with you.  And, of course, you're welcome to talk about them with us here, as long as you understand that ultimately, all the decisions are still yours.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Dude, I get ya. I used to be on a board, which used to have a thread that had users to get together and chat about things. I enjoyed chatting with guys that pleased my Fantasy. Which was basically a guy playing a girl character of my choosing, to a scenario of my choosing. 

It happens sir

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