briann66 Posted January 31, 2009 Report Share Posted January 31, 2009 Let me tell you more about myself. I am a survivor of sexual abuse. I am a rape survivor. I always felt different. But unlike others I was fine with only having one friend or maybe two. I have always prefered animals over people. I as a little girl was so painfully shy that I would cry at the thought of meeting new people. I would hide as much as possible. I have been told by therapist that I have panic attack, and post trumatic stress syndrome. I had what they use to call a nervous break down and ended up in the hospital for 10 days and they could find no reason except surpressed memories so I was told. My mother and her mother have something like a split personallity. She will become very aggressive for no reason and really feel that you caused it. She hears you say things you acually never said. I have always been told that I was being mean but I could not figure out why I kept being told that but I still feel like I am not doing it. My children recently told me I said something mean to their father but I know I didn't say it, at least I have no memory of it. I an now affaid that I may be getting just like my mother. I am 42 and in menopause and I know that hormones can cause things to happen also. I am just wandering was there a time when any of you finally agreed that you may have a problem? I feel that way right now. Am I wierd like I have always been told ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paula Posted February 1, 2009 Report Share Posted February 1, 2009 HiNo, your not weird! Your just frustrated and confused! I am 42 and in menopause and I know that hormones can cause things to happen also. I am just wandering was there a time when any of you finally agreed that you may have a problem? I feel that way right now. Am I wierd like I have always been told ?The time I admitted that I had a problem was when I first tried to commit suicide! I had a nervous breakdown before I tried to commit suicide. I was doing stuff that I couldn't even remember!EG: I was burgled while I were working. This happened at 09.30am on a Friday morning. My neighbors either side of me are both retired. These...people... must of been watching me for a while... They knew what time I went to the child-minders to drop my son before he started school, and of all the mornings for it to happen, one of the neighbors went to the bank that morning & the other neighbor went to see her grandsons play at school. So they had all the time in the world!Anyway, to cut a long story short, I found out who did this, it was people who I knew! I had been drinking with them the previous week!When the Police told me who they had got, (there was blood left on my suet which they did a DNA TEST!)Where was I, oh yes, well when I found out who it was I was annoyed, well anyone would be wouldn't they!That night, I am going of what I've been told here. I had got my sons air rifle and gone to the centre of my town and stood in the middle of the road, aiming this air rifle at a night club doors. It was weekend and it was heaving in the club, so I'm told? Any way, I threatened to kill everyone in the club. They locked the doors and phoned the police.The next thing, the police came and surrounded me and asked me to drop my weapon. Well you can imagine, it was like falling on deaf ears.I woke up in a Psychiatric ward. I was lucky I didn't get charged! I wouldn't mind but I've never even shot a gun before in my life + it wasn't even loaded! You don't hear of guns in my town full stop! Even now a days.I suspect you could be right in heading for a breakdown of some sort. I would recommend you see your doc asap!Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briann66 Posted February 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Thank you so much for writing. I seriously am soooo confused. I don't feel weird but people sometimes look at me like I am.I do not want my husbnd or children to know how I feel inside. I don't really have anyone to talk to about what I am really going through here. I feel like I just want to blend into the walls wherever I am and hide. I hate this. I feel so disoriented. My head always feels like it is in a fog. I just want to go out with my kids and not feel likr everyone is starring right at me. I HATE it. I just don't feel like I can really tell anyone what is really going on in my head. My husband is disable so I have to care for him too. I am the only one who does not have insurance. We are tring to afford it but right now everything is so up in the air economicly. I feel I will just have to keep making it day by day. I know I sound like I am just a complainer but I just don't think anyone understands how long I have had all the constant thoughts in my head. I just litterally have to shake my head to make them go away. I am so embarrased at times. I have to rock myself for comfort and my kids see me do it I just say moms' back hurts and I am tring to ease it. Anyway thanks Paula for talking back to me I really appreciate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted February 4, 2009 Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 briann66 do you feel you can take a step toward getting some help? Maybe look in the phone book or look online for psychologists in your area? You are going through so much pain and it sounds like you are ready to reach out for some help. That would be the next step. Is insurance holding you from it? There are some agencies that offer a set number of sessions at a greatly reduced price if you cannot afford insurance. It is worth looking into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted February 4, 2009 Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 Hi Brian66,I agree with finding that you need to find a therapist for yourself so that you can start getting the help you need. You said that things are tough financially but there may be a clinic in your area that accepts low fees. It would be worth your while.Why do you feel ashamed? I agree with Paula that you have been through a lot and have a right to your feelings. Also, what stops you from talking to your husband. I understand that he is disabled but wouldn't he be a source of comfort to you. Of course, I understand that you would not speak to your kids about this because they are you children and that would not be appropriate. But, your husband?I am sure I am speaking not just for myself but for all of us when I say that it is good that you are here. Can you tell us more about yourself, are you in therapy, taking medications, etc???Allan:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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