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Str8 to Bi to Gay...then the problems began...


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I never really had a consciousness about my penile size until after my divorce with my ex-wife in 2013.  I had up to that point thought I was straight...although looking back on it, I might have been bi-sexual.  I tried having dates and sex with woman after the divorce, but couldn't perform the sex part of the relationship. I was fine with looking at porn and masturbating...just couldn't do it with a woman.  So I self-analyzed that maybe I was indeed gay.  This is were the problems REALLY began.  Gay men, it appears are totally obsessed with the size of prospective sex partner's penises.  I know that sounds like a pretty blanket statement...but that's what has been my observation.  So, even if you show up wanting to "play"...eventually you will be 'sized' up and classified.  Pretty soon,  instead of looking forward to the sexual encounter...I began to fret about if was going to be 'accepted' or 'rejected'...or whether, no matter how positive the experience might have been, I would be shunned or ignored after the fact based on my physical size.   It's really mental torture to want to do or have a sexual experience, only to have it extinguished by your own negative self perceptions...negative self judgements.  At times this has led to bouts of prolonged depression and even suicidal thoughts.  I think if I would lose weight...go to a gym or try to start liking myself for other positive qualities then I would be ok at this....but I think I would still have these insecurities chipping away at my esteem, my confidence.

While this is written purely from a individual point of view...is there anyone else out there who's gay...and may have had the same problems...or mental hang ups with size?  How did you cope with this-if at all-what's your key to overcoming sexual insecurities linked to size?  Any constructive advice appreciated. 


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  • 2 weeks later...
On 5/28/2019 at 9:09 PM, 1SameBoat said:

I never really had a consciousness about my penile size until after my divorce with my ex-wife in 2013. 

How did sex go with your first wife?  Seems that would be key to understanding better your situation.

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Sex was a complicated with the ex...especially since thoughts of how much bigger the guys she had dated were in her past.  So that could be psychological hurdle at times...mentally I always found I had to consciously prepare myself for sex...and now being more "gay" this has become magnified.  Purchased and subscribed to an online Tadalfil presciption... just to see if things might improve.  Seemed to have helped but the insecurities still plague me like evil spirits that won't go away.  I have thought of answering sex ads for couples that want a 3rd...but maybe I'm just throwing more stuff to mask the underlying problem...maybe being with a bi guy and a woman would switch things up..for sure.  I'm beginning to realize much of this is rooted more broadly in a degraded lack of self esteem and overall self confidence...

Any thoughts....all welcome 

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In my case I was straight to transgender to straight again and to asexual now. I have no happy memories of my teenage years. Always bullied, cheated (taken advantage of) and teased for having small dick. Always felt lonely, confused, angry and envy of bigger dick. 

Being asexual and live like a vulcan is the only thing that keep me sane. 


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